


Losing Grip

by heffermonkey



Series: Dual Reality Verse [1]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Friendship, M/M, Partnership, sci fi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-29
Updated: 2013-10-07
Packaged: 2017-12-25 01:13:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 28,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/946876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heffermonkey/pseuds/heffermonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny William's is a unique member of society, able to live within two realities, shifting from to another through sleep state.  When his 'event' occurs, he is forced to choose one reality over another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Case 3XY - 475

**Case 3XY - 475**

**Patient Name:** Daniel Williams

 **Age:** 31

 **Occupation:** Detective, New Jersey Police Department

 **Event date:** June 9th, 2000

**The Event:**

_Reality Alpha;_

Mass car pile up on the New Jersey Turnpike, 09:42 Several casualties including:  
Daughter, Grace Williams - deceased.  
Wife, Mrs Rachel Williams - survivor. 

_Reality Beta;_

Mass car pile up on the New Jersey Turnpike, 09:42. Several casualties including:  
Wife, Mrs Rachel Williams - deceased.  
Daughter, Grace Williams - survivor.

~

 _June 10th, 2000_ \- Daniel Williams committed into the Safety Net Institute due to mental breakdown brought on through Dual Reality Syndrome (DRS) Event occurring on June 9th, 2000. 

Daniel Williams; Sedated, assigned to care of Dr Frank Hindhaugh.  
Rachel Williams; Reality Alpha, in critical state, brought to SNI Unit 30 until such time Daniel Williams undergoes Reality Shift Process.  
Grace Williams; Reality Beta, in critical state, brought to SNI Unit 30 until such time Daniel Williams undergoes Reality Shift Process.

_June 11th, 2000_ \- Reality shift process for Daniel Williams begins. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **What is DRS?**  
>  DRS - Dual Reality Syndrome. In a world where two realities co-exist, a quarter of the population are born with DRS, the ability to live in both realities (transferring from one to the other through sleep states). Diagnosis occurs through testing at a young age and a shifting process naturally occurs where they are locked into one reality with residual memories of the other dissipating away leaving zero memory of their condition.  
> From a handful of individuals, DRS goes undiagnosed. Both realities are virtually similar, so some people with DRS are unaware until their 'event' that they even live within the two.
> 
>  **What is the Safety Net Institute (SNI)?**   
>  A company/organisation that deals with DRS patients. The handful of DRS individuals slip through the net, living in dual realities until they are forced to choose one reality for the other. This choice is usually through the 'event' process, in which an event occurs in both universes but with two different outcomes and the patient is forced to choose one life or the other. If the individual doesn't choose, it is made for them by the SNI. The SNI deals with the patients until they are ready to 're-join' the reality they have chosen or has been chosen for them.
> 
>  **An 'Event'?**  
>  A traumatic or life changing moment in which the two realities which usually are close parallels to one another split into different paths.   
> Events are traumatic experiences and usually the patient is put into a medically induced coma for a short period of time at the Safety Net Institute, which acts as a limbo until they can make their choice. If the patient refuses to make a choice, the SNI makes it for them and the choice cannot be reversed.  
> The patient keeps residual memories from the other reality but slowly these recede over time, assimilated over time into memories of one reality. Eventually the DRS patient forgets they lived in dual realities as their current reality comes more into focus and their every day existence.


	2. Dr Hindhaugh's Notes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Observation notes of Dr Hindhaugh of patient Daniel Williams

_June 11th, 2000;_

Despite his breakdown and obvious distress, Daniel shows thorough understanding of his DRS and the current situation involving the event.  
My hope is, through therapy and prescribed medication, Daniel will undergo Reality Shift Process (RSP) within two weeks.

 _June 18th, 2000;_ Due to Daniel's age and the trauma of the event, RSP is painstakingly slow. Shows no sign of committing to a choice, finding it difficult to come to terms with his situation.

 _June 20th, 2000;_ Throughout the night Daniel suffered severe panic attacks and showed violent tendencies due to the trauma of event. After some deliberation I found it wise and within Daniel's best interests to put him under sedation to help him through the transition, giving his mind and body time to cope with his Event.

 _June 25th, 2000;_ Both Rachel Williams and Grace Williams making speedy recoveries. I have been informed by the board that Daniel Williams, after review, will be given until June 30th 2000 to undergo his RSP willingly or board will be forced to make final decision.

Daniel shows signs of distress after being given the ultimatum but is coming to terms with his situation.

 _June 29th, 2000;_ Daniel still shows no intention of choosing despite having come to the end of his time here. I have fully informed him of matters concerning his making his own choice vs having it made for him.

_June 30th, 2000;_

Daniel will undergo Reality Shift Process at 1300hrs.

 _Alpha Reality;_ Rachel Williams, recovered. Due to be released from SNI care.  
 _Beta Reality;_ Grace Williams, recovered. Due to be released from SNI care.


	3. Time to Choose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny is given the ultimatum

_June 30th, 2000 - 1300hrs_

“You need to make a choice.”

Danny closed his eyes, memories, so many memories rushing through his mind like a film on fast track, images overwhelming his senses, his brain functions. He knew he had to make a choice, but it wasn’t that easy. A choice meant a sacrifice – one reality for another and how was he meant to decide that fate? There was nothing simple about choosing, it would create heartache and pain whatever the decision.

“If I choose,” he said, voice tight, chest aching, the twist of his gut so brutal he thought he might perhaps vomit. “If I choose the wrong one -.”

“Either choice will bring pain,” Hindhaugh advised, full of reason, so assured that he understood the sacrifice he had to make. “But it will also bring you peace.”

“How do I know that?” Danny questioned, fingers curling tighter around the leather arm rests of the chair he was reclined in. “What if the choice I make, what if it brings more pain? How will I live with myself afterwards?”

“No life, no reality, is beyond pain and hardships,” he was told. “Either choice will be filled with these, but also with life, a life you will create for yourself. You shape your own destiny now Daniel. You can't continue living on the edge of both realities, this event has already caused more trauma than you can cope with. It's one or the other, you know that.”

“I can’t,” Danny said desperately, “Don’t make me.”

“You must and you will,” Hindhagh informed him, the clinical reply to every person who passed through the halls of the institution. Hindhaugh had become a friend though and he became softer with him. “I’ll give you some time, but when I return, ensure you’ve made a decision or it will be made for you.”

“Please,” Danny asked suddenly, eyes opening and he sat up quickly, alarmed, fearful. "Please don't do that”

Hindhaugh had already stood and was standing by the door, turning to him with a soft expression of patient understanding. It wasn't the first time he'd helped someone undergo this process and it wouldn't be the last. “You have ten minutes while we prepare Daniel. We've spoken many times about this, now it's time to make the decision.”


	4. The Event

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny remembers his 'event' and the clashing of his dual reality state

In his time at the Safety Net Institute, Danny had often questioned ‘why me?’ In a town of thousands, a city of millions, a planet so overly populated, like mankind had spewed itself over every inch of available earth, why did he have to be one of the minority afflicted with DRS? Duo Reality Syndrome was something that usually showed in toddlers and was quickly rectified without any affect on the child. But sometimes, with people like himself, it didn’t show itself until a child reached the age of nine or ten and by then it was just natural to live within both (that was if it was even identified) barely seeing the differences between the realities of Alpha and Beta. Danny had lived happily enough with it, as children and young adults often did when life didn’t throw them anything difficult to deal with but puberty and coping with school and college. Alpha and Beta were so in parallel that there was barely anything to show the two worlds were different. But then, as had been predicted to him many times over the years, Doctors and experts urging him to make his choice before it was too late, that inevitable 'Event’ occurred which had brought him to the institution. 

In the aftermath of the accident, he'd begun spiralling out of control. His living in both realities had been a simple switch as he slept. He fell asleep in Alpha and awoke in Beta, when he slept in Beta he'd come awake in Alpha. Most of the time he didn't know one from the other. 

Until the accident. 

He was working a case but through word of mouth had heard about the pile up on the turn pike. It didn't affect his day, accidents happened and it was tragic but he was on a murder case and his focus was on following up leads. It was a couple of hours later when he got the first call to say Rachel and Grace were at the hospital. From then on everything had become a blur.

He'd reached the hospital to be informed Rachel was in critical condition but they were doing everything they could for her. The usual hospital spiel every Doctor was trained to say in such circumstances. When they told him Grace had died at the scene, Danny had been able to keep his legs under him. Everything crashed down around him.

He'd come to sitting in a hospital waiting room, everything seemed still and empty, no movement in the halls. A nurse passed by, giving him a sympathetic smile and fetching some water for him. When she returned with the cup, a doctor was with her, a grim look on their face. Danny felt like vomiting, he knew that look. Had he lost Rachel too? Had a pile up on the turnpike wiped out his family?

"Rachel?" he asked croakily.

The doctor and nurse exchanged a glance and the Doctor moved closer. "I'm sorry there wasn't anything we could do for your wife Mr Williams. She died on impact. Your daughter however, well I'll be honest, the next twenty four hours will be critical-."

"My daughter? Grace," Danny said, looking up at the man like he was insane. "Grace is dead."

"No Mr Williams, Grace, is alive," the Doctor assured him. "Barely but we're doing everything we can and at the moment she is stable."

Danny felt the room spin again. Rachel, dead? He didn't understand, dead at the scene? He leaned forward, closing his eyes and pressing the heel of his palms against his eyelids, groaning.

"Mr Williams?" The voices seemed distant. He needed time, space. He needed a moment to himself and he needed to start calling people. Someone was sat beside him. "Mr Williams, is there someone I can call for you? Your wife's family perhaps, to let them know of the situation?"

"No, I, I should call," Danny said with a shake of his head. "How am I supposed to tell them? What am I supposed to say?"

"You need people here with you Mr Williams, people to sit with your wife, to help you through this difficult time," the nurse said gently. "She isn't conscious yet and the doctor wants to wait before you tell her about your daughter."

"My daughter?" Danny questioned, his mind was spinning. He felt like he was going mad. His heart raced, beating so hard in his chest he thought it was going to explode. He couldn't get his breath and sat back, trying to stop everything from spinning like a carousel out of control. "Grace is dead? No, no she's alive. Rachel died. God Gracie, my baby, she's dead, god no, no. No, wait - they both - did they both die? Are they both alive?"

Everything had become blurred after that, though he'd been told he'd shifted from one reality to another several times within minutes until the Doctors had been forced to sedate him. Indications had shown he was suffering an Event through DRS and he'd been committed to the SNI. Hindhaugh had been slowly helping him cope with the transition.

For days he’d been suffering, his days and nights filled with anguish, turmoil, so much pain yet still the hardest part was being forced to choose.

Rachel or Grace.

There were so many things he’d been able to control, but not this destiny. Not this decision which would end one life and let him live permanently another. But the sacrifice, it made the bile in his throat turn even sourer even contemplating what he had to do. 

Why couldn’t he stay here, in this place between realities? The Safety Net, as it was known, where only people like him resided for any length of time.

The door clicked open and his stomach flip flopped, twisting, turning as he sank down into the chair terrified, hands shaking as he gripped the seat with sweaty palms.

“Well Daniel, we’re ready to begin,” Hindhaugh said, sitting back down in the chair beside him.

He gave him a look of concern, checking his vitals before patting him on the hand. 

“I know this is difficult,” he said sympathetically. “But it will be better than the suffering you have been enduring these last weeks.”

“How can I sacrifice one of them?” Danny said, voice croaky and shaking.

“Danny, we’ve been through this,” Hindhaugh sighed. “The event, the crash, it was your body’s way of trying to force you to choose. That you’ve continued this long despite that, that your mind has managed to cope with both realities despite the tragedies, it should have been impossible for you to continue this long. That is why you are here, you must decide or we will be forced to take necessary measures to save you.”

“How can you do this to people every day?” Danny said bitterly, the doctor sitting back and giving a small shrug.

“I’m here to save lives Danny,” he informed him. “I’m here to save yours.”

The door clicked open again and a team of white robed doctors and nurses began streaming through. Danny felt the chair recline further back and he gritted his teeth, biting down on the urge to beg.

“I’m sorry Daniel, but you must choose,” Hindhaugh urged, standing and peering down at him. “Please. It makes the recovery much easier if you make the choice.”

Danny closed his eyes, said a thousand apologies in his mind, tried not to let the memories of her bombard him too much, his body leaden with grief.

“Grace,” he said without opening his eyes, tears spilling through closed lids, refusing to be contained. Shame, guilt, so much grief. 

“I choose Grace.”


	5. Life Goes On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six months later, Danny still remembers Rachel, as he adjusts to life as a single father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters are written as 'Six Months Later' instalments to help move the story along.

_six months later_

Six Months Later

“Daniel.”

Danny jerked awake, reaching out for her -as he always did - finding the bed empty - as he always did. He’d been dreaming of her, could remember the touch of her skin under his fingertips, the sound of her voice as he dipped his fingers low, past her abdomen, the look of excitement already in her eyes. It was a little over a year since the accident and the memories were fading, she always vivid in his dreams but they faded as soon as he awoke. He had to look at pictures to remind himself of certain things, like how her eyes crinkled when she smiled, the pout of her lips, the lines of her neck or the way she styled her hair. More and more he found he had to find these physical reminders, questioning his dreams, if he remembered her rightly, if her voice had really sounded that way, if their lovemaking had been that satisfying every time.

“Daaad,” a voice made him roll onto his side, grunting as he looked at the clock. He’d overslept but not by much, it would make the morning routine a little tight. He pushed back the covers, stumbled into the bathroom before he made his way downstairs. 

Grace sat on the couch watching a cartoon on TV, hair messed from sleep, pyjamas rumpled.

“Hey kiddo, breakfast?” Danny asked, crossing the room into the kitchenette.

“Toast please,” Grace replied without looking at him.

He put on two slices; decided coffee would keep him going until Grace was safely delivered to school and got busy putting together her stuff for the day. Her uniform was already lain out, underwear, socks, shoes. He checked her school bag, signed a permission slip for the school trip to the local aquarium and put it with her books near the top, reminding her to hand it in when she was in class. He buttered up the toast, gave her a decent helping of jam on both, took a sneaky large bite from one and presented the plate.

“After breakfast go wash up munchkin,” He said to her, going back upstairs to get dressed himself.

He showered, towelled off, dressed in some worn jeans and clean t-shirt, sticking his head into her bedroom to make sure she was dressing. She was just finishing, pulling on her socks, hair still madly fly away in all directions. He wandered in and grabbed the brush as she sat at her dresser, a doll in her arms. He patiently began brushing her hair as she looked at him through the mirror.

“I’ve packed a lunch for you today okay?” He told her as he pulled her hair gently from her face to tie in a ponytail. “And remember you’re going to Suanna’s house tonight. I’ll pick you up at seven. You want it braided?”

“Yes please,” she smiled as he began plaiting the long blonde locks. “Where are you going today Danno?”

Danny eyed her in the mirror, her face one of total innocence. He didn’t buy it, Grace knew perfectly well where he was going and had been sure to voice her opinion many times on the idea of leaving the city. For a ten year old, she had quite an opinion on most subjects, just like her mother or so he kept telling himself. He couldn't quite rightly remember if she did get that trait from Rachel. He finished off the braid, fastening it off before picking up a pink ribbon and tying around the braid to keep her appeased.

“You know I’ve got to make some final arrangements Gracie,” Danny told her. “For the move in the next few weeks.”

Grace pouted, hugging the doll close to her chest. “Do we have to move so far away?”

Danny wished he could explain to her the many reasons why. Because of his job. Because of his finances. Because he couldn’t stand living there any longer, surrounded with memories and echoes of a former life with a woman he’d planned on spending the rest of his life with. Because he’d lost her not once but twice, that out there, in another reality he’d shut himself away from, she was living without the both of them. The guilt twisted in his gut but he looked at his little girl in the mirror, rested his hands on her shoulders and leaned down to kiss her head.

“I wish I could explain it to you Grace,” he said softly. “I hope one day you’ll understand.”

He gave her a squeeze and she gave him a small smile. “Go get your shoes, we’re going to be late.”


	6. Echoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now living in Hawaii, Danny is beginning to forget.

_Six months later_

He grunted, rolled onto his side pulling the pillows over his head. He’d lived there nearly half a year but the sun streaming in at the window despite the desperate attempts with black out blinds had become the bane of his mornings. That and the sound of the ocean out on the distance, sometimes it sounded like roaring in his ears, in the dead of the night when he tossed and turned reaching out for someone who wasn’t there.

Bleary eyed he sat up, six thirty, a half hour before his alarm. He gave up on getting any more sleep, made his way through the apartment to turn on the coffee maker and see what he had in the fridge to make Grace her packed lunch. On the fridge there were photographs, mainly of himself and Grace as they’d explored the Island on the weekends. He’d wanted to make it home so had insisted on exploring everywhere together, it was all so alien and foreign to him, island life. He wondered how many years he’d have to give to the place before he didn’t feel like the outsider any more.

There, under a jumble of photos overlapping one another were her eyes, like they were spying on him. He pushed the photographs out of the way to pick it up. It was a picture of the two of them, laughing at the camera, arms around one another. He frowned, unable to picture the time it was taken or how it had felt to hold her. He looked at her closely and realised he was beginning more and more to forget Rachel physically. He no longer had dreams of making love. 

Yet there were emotional connections he still felt. Though physically he couldn’t remember the sex, he knew it had made him feel deeply connected to her, that it had made him happy, ecstatic even. It had been exciting and delicate, kissing her had made his skin tingle, his heart beat faster. But he couldn’t remember her taste or the touch of her lips or even picture in his mind leaning in to capture her mouth with his.

He couldn’t remember her laugh but he knew the sound of it had made him laugh, had made his blood rush. It been a comfort to him. He knew he’d had to identify her body after the car accident, but couldn’t remember the coroners office or seeing her lain on the table. But he still felt the fear, the pain, the harrowing moment he had to tell Grace her mother was dead.

Something sharp pricked at his chest and he dropped the photograph to the counter, clutching at his chest, the clawing sensation making him buckle over. His mind filled with memories, images, not of Rachel on a coroners table but Grace.

As quick as the memory had bombarded him they were gone. The pain was gone. He leaned on the counter, swallowing down hard, shaking his head to clear his thoughts. 

“Echoes,” he told himself. “Just echoes.”

They occurred whenever he thought too much, too hard about Rachel, about the crash. Echoes of another reality, the reality in which instead of Rachel, he’d lost Grace in the car accident. The car accident had been his point of no return, the ‘event’ when he’d been forced to choose. Nobody could live in a dual reality state forever, no matter how much they thought they could. Eventually something, a fixed point occurred to force the person to choose and he’d made his choice. For all that he loved Rachel, he couldn’t imagine abandoning his – their – daughter or having to suffer once again the feeling of losing her again. To think she would have been living in this reality alone was still beyond his comprehension.

He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat at the table, photograph of Rachel forgotten on the counter.


	7. Danny meets Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve makes his entrance. Danny decides he doesn't like him. Steve is un-fazed.

_Six Months Later_

“Danny Williams?” 

Danny looked the guy up and down and decided instantly he didn’t like him. He was too – starched. Everything screamed military, the way he held himself, the too clean cut image, the arrogant air that seemed to surround him, too cock sure of himself.

“Yeah?” Danny agreed, brow curling into a frown.

The guy paused, looked past him into the apartment before looking at him once more.

“Can I come in?” He asked, a little put out he had to invite himself in.

Danny puffed out his chest and drew himself to full height, even though the man still had a couple of inches on him.

“Perhaps you’d like to explain to me who you are and what you want with me first,” Danny said to him in reply.

“Commander Steve McGarrett,” The man replied holding out his hand and giving him a dazzling smile.

Danny politely shook his hand, didn’t smile and didn’t move to invite him in, waiting impatiently for him to say why he was there.

“I want you to come work for me,” McGarrett informed him with a cocky manner that irked Danny. It was like the guy thought he was handing him the world offering him a job, which he already had with HPD, albeit a crappy deal considering what he’d left back in New Jersey.

“No thanks,” Danny said hurriedly, stepping back to close the door.

McGarrett obviously wasn’t taking no for an answer, sidling through the door before Danny could close it and striding across the room with his too long legs in Danny’s opinion, turning with an appraising eye on the place.

“You live here?” Steve said with a frown. “With your daughter? You live – here?”

Danny folded his arms quickly, like he was protecting himself or maybe stopping himself from punching the man in the jaw.

“Uh, excuse me,” Danny pointed out a little off guard by McGarrett’s interruption into his life. “I said no thanks. You can leave now.”

“Just hear me out,” Steve said, holding out a file to him. “Please.”

“You force your way into my place,” Danny began, feeling his temper rising.

“You moved out of the way to let me in,” Steve said innocently.

“I moved to close the door,” Danny said, unfolding his arms and instead waving a hand at the door to imply its closure.

“Good job I walked in quick then,” Steve said with a smirk.

“You force your way in,” Danny repeated in exasperation. “Then criticise my home.”

Steve frowned and shook his head firmly. “I didn’t criticise.”

“ _You live – here?_ ” Danny dead panned in mock imitation, glaring at him.

“It was just a question,” Steve shrugged at him. 

Danny stared at him for all of ten seconds, incensed by his behaviour and his attitude. Steve just stared back, a small smile on the edge of his lips.

“Get the fuck out of my place,” Danny said as his brain got back into gear, moving to the door and opening it to usher Steve out.

When he turned back he found him comfortably making himself at home on the couch, his stupidly long limbs making his small couch look tiny. Danny stared again, wondered if he were having some kind of ‘episode’ and closed the door again, turning back to Steve as he swallowed down a breath to calm himself. He knew it was pointless arguing with the man to get rid of him, so he agreed with himself to hear him out before he threw him out. With a sigh he composed himself enough to remember his manners.

“Can I get you anything to drink?”


	8. Life in 5-0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year later, Danny is a fully fledged member of 5-0, which means putting up with Steve's crazy and dealing with the aftermath. Somewhere in-between the crazy, Danny is beginning to feel the stirrings of something more, but it isn't something he wants to admit.

_One Year later_

“How is this my life?” Danny asked with exasperation as Steve calmly sat, covered in dirt, grime, grease, a few bruises, a black eye forming.

Two drug runners were lain on the floor worse for wear but still breathing having gone a round or two with Steve as Danny took down a third. Unfortunately he’d had no choice to shoot the third guy, but he had shot at him with a shot gun that Danny swore was bigger than Chin’s.

“You love it,” Steve laughed before his mouth twisted into pain.

"Yeah maybe, doesn't mean I love you though," Danny chided, going over to him. "Come on, it's the hospital for you my friend."

"It's just a scratch," Steve frowned, looking for at his arm. Blood stained his t-shirt where the bullet had scraped past the surface.

"It's more than that," Danny informed him, taking his good arm and ignoring the resistance. "Let's go. Now."

"Yes _dad_ ," Steve rolled his eyes, but let Danny drag him to the car. "You know you worry too much."

"Or not enough," Danny retorted, grabbing the first aid kit as Steve got into the passenger seat. "Here, put this on it for now."

Danny pushed up the material of the short sleeve and wrapped a bandage efficiently around the wound to stem the blood loss. "You'll need a couple of stiches."

"Thank you nurse Ratchet," Steve smirked before gasping in pain and shooting Danny a scowl. "Ouch!"

"Such a baby," Danny smirked as he tied of the bandage. "Want me to kiss the boo boo better?"

Steve stared at him and for a long moment Danny thought he was going to take him up on the offer. Danny rolled his eyes, closed the door for him and took a few deep breaths as he rounded the car to the drivers side.

Just a little light flirtation as always, nothing more, was what he told himself. He thought if he said it often enough, he'd convince himself it was true.


	9. Spiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny's memories of Rachel are all but gone, causing a spiral breakdown. When Steve arrives to help, Danny is scared by his reaction.

“Hey D,” Steve said answering his cell as he lounged on the sofa reading the paper.

“Uncle Steve.”

The sound of Grace’s voice, the way she said his name instantly set off alarm bells. He sat up sharply, paper pushed in a crumpled mess to one side.

“Grace?” he said carefully.

“There’s something wrong with Danno.”

Steve felt his chest tighten, breath catching in his throat at the way she said it, a fearful, anxious sound.

“What do you mean Gracie?” He asked calmly, thoughts bombarding his mind. Had there been an accident? Was Danny sick? Had he collapsed at home? Were they even at home? For Grace’s sake he needed to stay calm and focused, pulling on his boots even as he spoke with her.

“He’s just -,” she began, trailing off. He strained to listen, hearing noises in the background. “Can you come over? Please. Quickly.”

“I’m on my way now Grace,” Steve assured her, picking up the keys to his van and heading out of the door. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“He’s yelling and throwing things in his bedroom,” Grace said, voice turning low to a whisper. “I’m scared Uncle Steve. He’s angry, Danno never gets angry. Not like this. I don't know what to do.”

“Where are you Grace? At home?” Steve said, focusing on driving, just keeping to the speed limit, resisting the urge to turn on the lights, siren and go hell for leather. He didn’t want to upset Grace any more by her hearing him speeding through traffic.

“I’m in my bedroom,” Grace admitted.

“Where’s your dad?” He asked her, over the static he could hear something but he couldn’t be sure what.

“In his bedroom next door,” Grace informed him, whispering urgently. “Are you coming?”

“Yeah I’ll be a few minutes baby,” Steve said, palms beginning to sweat with anxious nerves.

“He said he can’t remember her,” Grace told him.

“Who?” Steve asked with a frown. “He can’t remember who Grace?”

“My mom.”

~

“Danny?”

Danny stopped suddenly, turning with wide eyes to find Steve standing in the doorway of his bedroom, gun in his hand but lowered, casually held. Danny frowned, studied him for a long time before he turned away.

“Danny, what are you doing?” Steve asked from behind him.

Danny looked about his room, drawers pulled out, clothes strewn everywhere. He’d emptied the contents of his desk, the cupboards, everything. On the bed lay photographs poured out from shoe boxes he’d found at the back of his closet. He looked at them, his frown deepening. That face, that person, looking at him from all those photographs.

Who was she?

“I don’t,” Danny said with a shake of his head. “I don’t remember her.”

“Rachel?” Steve asked. Danny could feel him standing closer, just over his right shoulder. He turned to look at him, searching his face, hoping for answers.

“Is that her name? Who is she?” Danny asked with a gasp, turning to him, lifting up a hand clutching a handful of photographs.

It was Steve’s turn to frown, face full of confusion. “Rachel was your wife Danny, Grace’s mother.”

Danny stared at him like he had grown another head. “My wife? Grace’s mother?”

He looked down at the photographs in his hand, searched in his mind for any recognition but none came. “No, I don’t - I don’t know her. Why don’t I know her?”

Part of him knew she was someone connected to him. The evidence was right there before him, photographs spanning years, wedding photos, pregnancy photos, vacations, thanksgiving, Christmas and birthdays. But to him it was like a stranger had infiltrated the moments, snuck in, pretended to be taking part before hiding once more. How could he have a connection with someone he couldn’t remember, none of the photographs triggered a memory. It was frustrating, as he realised there were huge gaps in his memories now, like ink blots spoiling the landscape of his mind.

He slumped to the floor by the bed, leaning back against it, head in his hands. “I think I’m going crazy Steve. I don’t understand. Why don’t I remember her?”

“I don’t know D,” Steve said sympathetically, gun back in it’s holster as he approached him and settled on his haunches by his side, a hand on his shoulder. “But I think we need to call someone. Your doctor or take you to the hospital.”

Danny shuddered, drawing his knees to his chest and hugging them tightly with his arms, unable to look Steve in the eye. “I can’t go back. What if they make me go back?”

“Back where?” Steve asked with concern, confused as to what was happening with his friend but desperate to help. “Danny what are you afraid of?”

“The Safety Net,” Danny said quietly. “Don’t let them take me back there. Please Steve, I can't go back again.”

He felt Steve’s hand quickly withdraw, felt the sudden movement before he saw it, Steve quickly rising to his feet and stepping away.

“What did you just say?” Steve asked him with a sharp gasp of surprise.

Danny lifted his face to look at him, seeing the look of shock and surprise on Steve’s features. Of course he didn’t know, even his level of security clearance didn’t reach that needed to know about people with DRS. It wasn’t in any of Danny’s files. Danny swallowed down nervously, scrambling up onto his feet and sitting on the edge of the bed instead.

“Steve -,” he began, holding out his hands in innocence. “I can explain.”

“You had, you lived –,” Steve began, looking nauseated. “How long has it been?”

“Two years,” Danny admitted, standing and moving closer to him, reaching out for him. Steve shook his head and stepped back away from his touch.

“No, don’t Danny,” Steve growled, moving further back. Danny looked at him helplessly and hurt by his reaction. A grief twisted into him, fearing the rejection that Steve was suddenly projecting.

“Steve, please babe,” Danny begged still advancing on him. “Please help me.”

“Stay where you fucking are,” Steve yelled at him, giving him a look of disgust. “Two years, two years and you’ve never said anything. My god Danny I just, I can’t believe you kept this from me.”

Danny was confused, too much going on for him to make sense of anything. He didn’t understand why he didn’t remember this ‘Rachel’ and he couldn’t understand Steve’s behaviour now.

“Steve, please,” he looked at him desperately, clawing onto a hope Steve wouldn’t abandon him now in his hour of need. "I need help."

“Stay in here,” Steve said, straightening up, voice steady and unusually calm. “I’m going to call for an ambulance for you to go to the hospital, I’ll explain the situation. I’ll take Grace back to my place if that’s okay with you or I can drop her somewhere, whatever you want.”

“Can’t you come with me?” Danny asked quietly, feeling so small, so desperately in need of comfort. But Steve seemed so cold now, removed, like a barrier had come down on his emotions or thoughts towards him.

“I’ll call for an ambulance,” Steve acquiesced, shaking his head in reply to Danny's question. He looked at him like he was a stranger.

“But what if they want to send me back?” Danny asked, afraid of that option. That was where he'd made his choice, what if this was something they couldn't fix? What if they sent him back to Alpha? “What if they take me away and don’t let me come back to Grace?”

He wanted Steve to say he wouldn’t let that happen. He just needed someone to assure him everything would be okay. But Steve pressed his lips together and didn’t offer any of the comfort that he was hoping for.

“I’ll wait here for the ambulance,” Danny said, shoulders slumping, dropping his gaze. He knew he needed help. He couldn't deal with Steve's sudden coldness right then and there. Later, with a clear head perhaps it would make sense. “Can you take Grace, please?”

“Yeah, I’ll look after her until you get sorted out,” Steve agreed. "Stay in here, don't leave this room."

He listened to Steve leave, the hushed sound of his voice as he made the call. There was the opening of a door and more talking and he sank down to the bed again, photographs tumbling to the floor at his feet. Steve didn’t come back to talk to him and Danny made no move to go see him or his daughter. He felt empty, like something had been stripped out of him, memories, feelings, a huge pit of emptiness he had no idea his body could even accommodate. He just wanted someone to hold him and tell him it was going to be all right.

He didn't know how long he sat in bewilderment, until an urgent knocking on the door broke him out of his thoughts and he froze, jumping to his feet, heart beating so fast he thought it would pound out of his chest. Across the doorway he watched Steve stride past and Danny neared his open bedroom door, peering out nervously, watching Steve cross through the living area to the front door. A sound made him turn, catching Grace looking out from her own room, fingers tight on the door frame as she gazed up at him.

At the front door he heard Steve and men talking, but he couldn’t take his eyes off his little girl or how she looked at him, so much fear in her eyes. He didn’t know if she was afraid of him or afraid of what was wrong with him.

“Daddy,” she whispered, so gently that it made his heart break and he had to lean on the doorframe to save from crumpling to the ground.

“I’m sorry baby,” he said to her, a lump caught in his throat. "I didn't mean to scare you Gracie. You know that right?"

Grace gave him a watery smile and nodded, still looking scared.

"I love you Gracie, don't you forget that," Danny told her straight. "I'm going to go to the hospital and they're are going to take care of me. Uncle Steve is going to take care of you."

“Mr Williams?” a voice said behind him. Danny straightened up, turned to them, they weren’t dressed as paramedics and his training kicked in subconsciously. Dressed in dark blue scrubs, white coats, ‘SNI’ logoed on their lapels. He looked past them to Steve, trying to understand why they were there. “Will you please come with us.”

A hand rested on his arm as the voice made its request, ushering him out of the room. Danny fell into step, footsteps heavy and leaden along the hall.

“You said you were calling an ambulance,” he said with gentle accusation to Steve as they walked past him.

“I’ll take care of Grace,” Steve said simply in reply.


	10. Memory Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctors at the SNI diagnose Danny's condition as a spiral and try to help him with various means as he tries to record his memories of Rachel.

His wasn’t a unique case, but it was a severe one. The doctor had explained it to him, back at the Safety Net Institute where they’d been trying to stabilise his condition. Because he had dual memories of two Rachel’s and his choice of living one reality where Rachel was dead had proved too much for his brain and mind to cope. Because his memories of the other reality would slowly diminish over time, all of his memories of Rachel were fading away, his mind unable to distinguish between realities which he should keep and which should be eliminated.

There was no way of retrieving the memories, but there were things he could do to cope with the emptiness and frustration. He had to write in a book all the information he was given, starting with his condition to fully explain why he didn’t know her. They gave him photographs from their time together, labelling them so he could have a physical reminder. Only when he looked at them he felt nothing, it was as if someone had taken his image and hers and pieced them together, like a jigsaw puzzle. Even with pictures of her holding Grace as a baby, he knew it was his child, he just couldn’t understand or recognise why the woman was holding her, who she was, even if it made logical sense that of course she was the mother. How else would Grace be in his life?

Over a course of a few weeks with intense therapy sessions, the book formed a timeline of his life that existed with empty blanks in his mind. He remembered everything up until he had met Rachel, even moments in between, memories untarnished by her presence right up until after the car accident. He even remembered his breakdown and being brought to the institute that first time, those nightmarish days of confusion before he made his choice of life again. He knew in another reality Rachel existed, without him and without Grace, but that meant nothing to him and he felt no loss or guilt about her fate. But he also recognised that if he’d chosen Rachel his memories of Grace could have been lost and that caused him even greater turmoil and grief, the idea of losing Grace to that great an extent. He couldn’t imagine not having any memories of her, the idea of it made him sick to his stomach.


	11. Home Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny returns home, to a cold reception from Steve.

He let himself in to his apartment, having gotten a cab from the SNI institute in Honolulu. Steve had promised to meet him there with Grace and his truck was parked outside. As he swung the door open he could smell fresh baking and stepping inside he heard laughter coming from the kitchen. He peered over, seeing Grace and Steve at a bench hard at work.

“Hi,” he said over the noise of the radio playing some old kitschy tune. 

The two stopped what they were doing, turning to look at him. Steve settled a steady gaze on him, taking in his appearance as Grace jumped down from the stool she was standing on to reach the bench and flew across the room, sticky hands, flour in her hair, throwing her small body against him as he reached out for her.

He pulled her into his arms, uncaring of her unkempt state, relieved to see her again, that she was happy and healthy and none of the fear that he’d seen in her the last time was present. Grace just wrapped her arms around his neck tightly and buried her face into his neck.

“I missed you Danno,” she whispered to him.

“Missed you two kiddo,” he said with a squeeze, kicking the door closed behind him and walking over the room towards Steve who was wiping his hands on a cloth.

“Hey,” Danny said, stomach dipping when he saw the distant, held at bay reaction of his partner. It was like a whole new loss he had to deal with, Steve acting so cold towards him.

“Hi Danny,” Steve said with little feeling.

“We made cookies for you coming home,” Grace said, pulling back to look at him with a grin. “We’ve just decorated them."

Danny dragged his gaze away from Steve to look at the mess on the counter, misshapen cookies messily decorated on a plate. He smiled in delight and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “They look great Gracie, thank you.”

“Let’s all have one,” Grace said excitedly, wriggling out of his arms to stand.

“Actually I have to go,” Steve said with a shake of his head, barely looking at Danny and running a hand through Grace’s hair in an affectionate way that made Danny feel warm inside. He may have been away for a few weeks but he knew Steve would have taken care of her like she was his own daughter. He took great comfort in that.

“Aww no, stay,” Grace said catching his hand in hers and pulling at him. “Danno just got here and you said cookies taste best when they are still warm. Please Uncle Steve.”

“I shouldn’t,” Steve began to protest but Danny reached out and rested a hand on his arm, giving it a squeeze. 

“Stay, please,” he said to him. “Just for a little while.”

He tried not to read anything into the way Steve tensed up under his touch or quickly pulled his arm away. But Steve gave in, sitting down where Grace pulled him to the sofa before she skipped off to get the plate of cookies. Danny sat at a safe distance in the chair opposite, noting how Steve completely avoided eye contact.

“Guess I owe you big time,” Danny tried as Grace held the plate out to him. “For looking after Grace while I was gone.”

“It was either me or strangers,” Steve replied quickly, taking a cookie himself. “You owe me nothing.”


	12. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny gets to the root of Steve's strange behaviour towards him since he found out his secret.

Danny had left Grace in the safe hands of Chin and Malia. Steve’s behaviour had gnawed at him ever since he’d been released and arrived home that night a few weeks back. Steve had turned from hot to cold as soon as he’d found out Danny had gone through DRS. His attitude and behaviour towards him since then had been like they were strangers and it hurt, more than Danny ever thought possible. Work was becoming unbearable and these days he teamed up with Chin or Kono rather than partnered with Steve when going into the field. At HQ the air was usually strained if it was just the two of them. He needed answers, but he knew they needed to be alone when he got to ask the questions. He pulled up to Steve’s house and pounded up the stairs, about to hammer on the door but he’d never knocked from the beginning of the relationship and he wasn’t about to start.

Instead he barged in, Steve jumping to his feet from where he sat at the couch with surprise on his face. Danny slammed the door behind him, walking over to him, so full of anger, hurt and frustration at the man he'd considered his best friend. The last weeks had left him wondering if that was still the case.

“Danny, what the fuck are you doing?” Steve said to him angrily.

“I go through a breakdown, a loss, I nearly losing my fucking mind and you just –“ Danny began, so full of anger himself he didn’t know how he hadn't exploded from it. “Acted, _act_ , like you don’t fucking care? That you don’t know me?”

“I don’t know you,” Steve replied coldly.

“I needed you,” Danny said hurriedly, feeling tears sting his eyes, throat closing with pain and anguish. He put his hands on Steve's chest and shoved him hard. “I needed you to help me and you just fucking abandoned me. You let them take me back there without so much as a fucking goodbye. You didn't call or visit.”

“Two years Danny,” Steve said, with pain in his own eyes, steadying himself. “Two years, I thought we were friends, I thought we knew each other – I thought we-.”

“What?” Danny said, giving him a small push. It was something neither of them had ever said, there’d never been the right time, they’d both been so afraid of the consequences, of rejection. Better to have hope than see it dashed to pieces. “You thought we what?”

“Fuck you Danny,” Steve spat out at him. “Everything was all just a lie, who you are, what you are. What you did.”

“What I did?” Danny said, shaking his head in despair. He didn't understand why Steve was so angry about his DRS, it wasn't something he could control. “You mean about making the choice right? My choosing this life over another? It was Rachel or Grace Steve – do you understand that? My choice was my wife or my daughter, so I chose my daughter. Do you even understand what I went through, what I suffered, the torment, the fear? Do you know what I’ve gone through after making this choice. I lost Rachel not once, but twice. I don’t know who she is, what she meant to me – all I know about her I’ve got written in a book so I can physically have something to tell me who she was. She doesn’t exist, not here, not anywhere. Grace can remember her mother, what she looked like, sounded like, her touch, her laughter – some days I don’t even remember her name or believe she was real.”

He sighed in frustration, shoulders sagging as he looked at Steve. He realised the fight was ebbing out of Steve, replaced by a hurt, the kind of hurt that emanated from his body, he was shivering and his eyes looked so lost and desperate.

“Steve?” he asked in concern, reaching out to him, resting his fingers on his partners arm. “Babe tell me what’s wrong? Ever since you found out about me, you’ve been like a stranger. It’s killing me, it’s killing you, but I can’t help if you don’t explain it to me. And I can’t keep going like this because it hurts too much. I can’t lose you too. Don't let us come to that, please.”

Steve screwed up his mouth and pulled violently away, turning and making some distance between them.

“You don’t know what its like,” he said as he stood by doors leading out onto the beach. “The ones you leave behind.”

Danny frowned and tried to understand what he was saying, following him across the room, uncaring if Steve wanted space. 

“I don’t understand,” Danny said, reaching him and standing by his side. “What are you talking about Steve?”

“My mom,” Steve admitted under his breath. “She made her choice. She didn’t choose us.”


	13. Explanations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Danny have a frank discussion about their personal experiences, which helps deepen their personal relationship.

“You told me she died in an accident,” Danny said as they finally sat down to talk, having grabbed beers and snacks from the fridge.

Steve slumped into his corner of the couch, lying back and closing his eyes.

“She did in a way,” he said quietly. “That was her ‘event’.”

“So you knew she suffered from DRS?” Danny questioned trying to understand.

“No, not until afterwards,” Steve admitted. “Things were so confusing, so many people getting in touch, people coming to speak to my dad. Me and Mary, we heard conversations, things that didn’t make sense. Dad refused to talk about it.”

“How did you find out that she had made the choice to remain over there?” Danny asked, peering over at him. He couldn’t remember Rachel, but he couldn’t imagine not choosing Grace. Instinctively he knew it was the only choice he ever would have made, no matter who Rachel was or what she meant to him.

“Didn’t have to figure it out,” Steve said with a shrug, looking at him with accusing eyes. “She never came back did she? At first you just want to believe she’s dead because the idea of her choosing another life over us, what kind of mother does that? I believed she was dead because the alternative was too hard to handle but I had to know for sure, once I got a high enough clearance I found out the truth. Medical records show she was taken from the car wreck to the hospital, but then she was moved from there to the Safety Net Institute. I had to pull a few strings to be sure, I still owe a few favours, but she made her choice not long after the car accident. After we’d buried her, mourned her – oblivious to the fact she was still alive, living elsewhere.”

“It was a car accident for me too,” Danny said quietly, he may not remember Rachel but details of the crash still haunted his mind. “In one reality Rachel died, in the other, Grace. They took me to the SNI to stabilise me because my mind threw me from one place to the next every time I closed my eyes for more than a minute. Took time to help me, days in which I mourned two people but they weren’t dead, not sometimes and that feeling of relief, of happiness they were alive just swallowed you up as much as the grief. They said I couldn’t continue as I was, that I had to make a choice or they’d make it for me. I knew what it was like to lose the both of them, but the grief of losing Grace, I can still remember what that feels like. Sometimes I wake up and it’s like for a moment I don’t remember I chose this life, I feel empty and lifeless before I remember she’s sleeping in the next room.”

He paused and looked at Steve with desperate, pleading eyes. “Do you think Rachel understands why I didn’t choose her?”

Steve looked solemnly back, a soft, caring look that hadn’t been there before reflecting back to him. “It’s your daughter, I think she would understand. I would say she would have done the same thing, but my mother abandoned us.”

“She must have had a reason,” Danny tried, but he knew there was little comfort to give. He couldn’t imagine what Grace would think or feel if he’d chosen her mother and she’d found out about it later in life.

“Yeah, whatever,” Steve shrugged, gulping back a long drag of beer from the bottle.

“I’m sorry I never said anything,” Danny apologised, leaning over to him and putting a hand on his shoulder. “I never meant to hurt you, it’s just, it was difficult adjusting. We came here to start a new life and I didn’t want people to know. I didn't think people needed to know or who to trust to tell.”

“It was stupid of you Danno,” Steve chided, turning a little and leaning into his touch. “You nearly suffered another breakdown because you kept it secret and tried to deal on your own.”

“I know,” Danny nodded awkwardly. “I said I was sorry.”

“And I’m sorry for the way I acted when it happened,” Steve apologised gently. “I acted like a jerk but it just caught me by surprise and opened the lid on some issues.”

“Maybe if we’d both been honest from the start it wouldn’t have been like that,” Danny said with a small smile.

"Yeah, maybe," Steve shrugged. "Or maybe I'd have turned my back on you right away. Maybe you did the right thing."

"We both had secrets," Danny replied. "Who knows what Chin and Kono are hiding in their closets."

"A lot of family skeletons," Steve laughed, the atmosphere between them was beginning to lighten. "Does Grace understand? I mean what you've gone through?"

"She doesn't know," Danny shook his head. "When she was born she underwent tests for DRS but showed no sign of it. I've never told her about it. After the car accident she was in the hospital for a long time, it was touch and go for a time. She just thinks that I was by her bedside until she woke up. She doesn't know I was dealing with making a choice whilst she and Rachel were both kept under sedation until I made it. She was all alone."

"She was being taken care of," Steve said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Rachel died Danny, perhaps that's what you need to start telling yourself. Forget you lived in two realities. Your wife died and your daughter lived, you moved here to start over."

"Yeah and I've done a great job it so far," Danny snorted.

"I can't imagine it's easy for any parent doing it alone," Steve sympathised. "You're doing great D."

"Thanks I appreciate that," Danny smiled. "And I know this, everything, has become an issue between us. But I'd like to think we can get past it, eventually."

"It isn't so much an issue as, well," Steve began, before swallowing back half his beer. Danny waited patiently for him to continue. "I thought I was beginning to know everything about you, I mean we were pretty open with one another from the start D. I know I have issues because of my mom but-."

"You felt I'd betrayed our friendship," Danny said for him.

"No, not betrayed," Steve shook his head. "Just, I thought we were closer than we obviously were. Close enough at least that you would have confided in me about this part of you before the shit hit the fan."

"I didn't know the shit was going to hit the fan," Danny pointed out to him. "And I was trying to move on Steve. It wasn't so much that I was keeping it secret, but more, I wanted to leave the past in the past. Hard enough trying to do the new job thing and the single dad thing and getting used to a whole new way of life, telling people I was one of the DRS freaks, it's a little too much you know?"

"You aren't a freak Danny," Steve informed him.

"Yeah well," Danny said, running a hand through his hair. "It's all out in the open now. No more secrets."

"Makes it easier to form relationships," Steve agreed.

Danny couldn't help but laugh, muffling his smirk with a drink from his bottle.

"What? What'd I say?" Steve frowned with a shrug.

"Nothing," Danny said shaking his head and grinning. "It's just, you mentioning relationships. I haven't been with anyone since Rachel and seeing as I don't even remember being with Rachel, who I was married to for seven years, well that's a hell of a long dry spell, if you know what I'm saying."

"You don't even remember?" Steve began, seeing Danny shake his head. "Not anything."

"Nope," Danny smacked his lips together and frowned. "That is actually depressingly sad. Not just the sex thing, which, really, that's a hell of a thing to take into a relationship, if I ever date again. But it's the small things like holding hands or snuggling on the couch."

"Snuggling?" Steve said in amusement.

"Yeah, you know what I mean," Danny said, waving a hand at him. "The touching, the kissing. God, it's like I've never been kissed in over a decade. Fuck I'm messed up."

He groaned and ran a hand over his face before downing the last of his beer. He looked at Steve with a look of despair. "I'm never going to get laid again."

Steve couldn't help but laugh, which made Danny frown more. 

"Yes, of course you'd laugh. You know friends are supposed to be supportive. A friend would assure me I will get laid again, that someone will want me, despite my fucked up life so far. Only good thing to come out of it is Grace, and maybe joining Five - 0, and being dragged into Kono and Chin's and your crazy idea of life here in Pineapple central."

Steve sat up and moved around, sitting on the coffee table in front of him, a hand on his thigh which Danny found comforting. He was right about the touching, he missed being touched, he was a tactile person.

"Danny, as your friend I assure you, you are most definitely going to get laid," Steve started. Danny gave him a gentle push and glared at him.

"Steven, stop repeating what I tell you to say," he told him, feeling just a tad buzzed from the beer.

"Ok, in my own words," Steve smiled, leaning closer and his hand slid further up Danny's thigh which felt very nice in Danny's opinion. "I promise you are going to get seduced, sexed up, fucked. You will be wanted and desired and most definitely reminded of that every day."

"Steve-," Danny started but Steve quieted him with a finger on his lips. Danny felt strange, attracted, a familiar feeling he'd had many times around Steve before he'd found out about his DRS and the wedge had descended between them.

"Just tell me if you want that," Steve said to him. "From me. Because despite that we've been at odds with each other and I was angry and I'm sorry for being such an idiot but it hurt Danny. But despite that, I still want you and maybe that's why I pushed you away when I found out your secret because of all people I didn't want you to hurt me as well. I know you didn't mean it and I understand now, I really do. You were scared and so was I, it takes a lot for people like us to admit that."

Danny reached up and rested a hand behind Steve's neck, fingers brushing at the nape of his hairline.

"I do want that," Danny said quietly, looking him in the eye. "And I'm terrified that I want that because I nearly lost you once and I don't want to fuck this up and lose you completely. I can't go through that again."

"I'm right here Danny," Steve told him softly. "I'm not going anywhere."

Danny raised his free hand and cupped Steve's face, Steve didn't resist or retreat when Danny leaned forward to brush their lips together. Nerves got the better of him, what was he thinking? It was the beer making him act rashly. All the talk of sex and kissing and getting laid. It felt like had been forever but it didn't mean he could jump the first person he'd felt attracted to. It was Steve for gods sake and it when it all fell to pieces in the end, well he couldn't afford to lose his friendship. The idea of it made him drop his hands and he jumped to his feet startled. Steve quickly followed as Danny tried to make sense of his feelings.

"I'm sorry, this is, it's stupid," Danny babbled. "We can't, I should go, I'll go-."

Steve stopped everything by kissing him. It was sudden and for a few seconds Danny was rooted to the spot in shock. Steve's mouth on his, warm and inviting. Steve's arms were strong around his body, one curled under his arm around his waist and the other around his shoulders holding and supportive. Steve held the kiss for what seemed like forever just pressing their mouths together before his lips moved and began mouthing and petting against his. Danny curled his hands into Steve's t-shirt, a soft moan escaping his mouth. 

Just as suddenly it ended and Danny frowned when Steve pulled away, standing straighter, a hand on his arm as he breathed in softly. He glanced at Danny with an apologetic look, "Sorry just, I needed to do that in case I never got the chance again. I understand if you don't want this Danny. I'll respect your decision either way."

"I, we just-," Danny was finding it hard to string words together. He was still chasing the remnant feelings of the kiss. He reached out and took Steve's hand, giving it a squeeze. "Can we take it slow?"

Steve smiled and squeezed his hand back. "As slow as you need."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to pop in a little note to say thank you for all the comments, I haven't had time to reply but they are greatly appreciated and I'm glad people are enjoying. xx


	14. Hindhaugh's Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny receives a call from Dr Hindhaugh

"Danny Williams? This is Dr Hindhaugh. Do you remember me?" Hindahaugh said over the phone.

Danny heard alarm bells ringing and sat down on the sofa in Steve's office, suddenly nervous. "Yeah, of course I do Doctor. Is there something wrong?"

Steve, realising Danny was a little distressed crossed his office floor with a frown. "Danny?"

Danny waved a hand and concentrated on what Hindhaugh had to say.

"Nothing wrong no," Hindhaugh said quickly. "Not with you or your situation any way. But there was something the Institute have asked me to approach you about, in an official capacity."

"As my Doctor?" Danny asked confused.

"No, sorry, I meant as a representative of the Institute with you as a Detective," Hindhaugh explained. "Could we meet? It would be best to explain face to face."

"You going to jump on a plane doc? I live in Hawaii now remember," Danny reminded him, feeling a calm rush over him. At least it wasn't anything to do with him medically. He was intrigued as to what Hindhaugh had to say to him.

"I know, the institute flew me over, it's very important that we meet. As soon as possible," Hindhaugh replied.

"I'm free now," Danny said to him. "Where and when?"

"I'm staying at the Hilton," Hindhaugh replied. "Collect me from there and can you take us somewhere, private?

"Yeah, I'll come right now," Danny agreed, puzzled as to the Doctor's need for privacy. "I'll call when I arrive."

Hanging up, Steve, who had sat down beside him, gave him a curious look. "What was that about?"

"Doctor Hindhaugh, he was my Doctor and consultant back in New Jersey when I went through the transition," Danny quickly explained. "The SNI have flown him over and they want him to speak to me, I don't know what about. We're going to meet him at the Hilton to find out."

"We?" Steve repeated as Danny stood up. Danny nodded and headed for the door.

"Yup, something is up and he wants to speak to me in an official capacity as a Detective. Which means it's a case of some kind, so come on partner, we're up."

Steve stood and hurried after him, both of them intrigued as to what the Doctor had to say.


	15. Hindhaugh's Case

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hindhaugh's explains the SNI's concerns

They collected Hindhaugh and headed away from the city, trailing the coast before heading inland until Steve pulled up at a viewing spot, secluded and deserted of people. Both of them noticed Hindhaugh had been nervous about being seen at the Hilton and once assured they were alone, conversation turned to what Hindhaugh wanted from them.

"I was informed about your sudden spiral Danny," Hindhaugh began. "I was concerned to hear of it. Yours isn't a individual case and that is why they've asked me to come to speak to you. As your Doctor we already have a level of trust, and as a Detective, we're hoping you can help us."

"What's this all about Doc?" Danny asked in confusion.

"As I said, you're spiralling out wasn't a unique case," Hindhaugh explained. "That is what is so strange and concerning. Spirals are very very rare usually. But in fact spirals have been happening more and more recently."

"What's that got to do with me as a Detective?" Danny asked him.

"We think there's more to it," HIndhaugh continued, looking disgusted as he spoke of it. "We think there are people deliberately sabotaging a part of the transition process in order to cause the kind of spiral you suffered. You're choosing one reality from the other is not meant to affect the memories of the reality you choose to live in. Eventually you should have transitioned to the point that you didn't even remember living in two realities, the memories almost lapse into one. But in your case, your memories of your wife completely faded, leaving you with a blank box as it were, devoid of memory of any kind. Now perhaps in a rare case that kind of spiral happens, but we're talking so rare that decades have gone by since the last one was recorded. Your case brings the total of spirals so far this year to twelve, in the US alone. We've gone suddenly from one every twenty years to twelve in eight months. Nothing is different about these cases and transitions expect that you are all older in age. All of you experienced an 'event' causing you to make a choice, every case followed procedure throughout transition at the Institutes. But a little over a year later you all began suffering these devastating spirals wiping memories of your pasts."

"What makes you think it's a rogue group of some kind and not just a evolution of DRS?" Danny questioned, needing to see all the angles.

"The statistics don't add up," Hindhaugh pointed out. "Yes all right, if the numbers had increased over the years, from one every twenty years to several within decades then we could judge it as evolution, a change in DRS and we could have worked on counteracting it. But this has happened too quickly, too suddenly for it to be anything other than some sort of sabotage. You're being a Detective and having experienced both transition and a spiral, we were hoping you could help investigate, but under the radar. If it is a rogue group, we'd prefer not to scare them off before discovering what they are doing and preventing it from happening again. We need information and proof before we approach an authority, it's a unique situation and we aren't sure what legal action could be taken if indeed it is sabotage."

"All right, I understand where you're coming from Doc," Danny nodded. "But I'm not sure where we're supposed to start."

"I can get you access to all the spiral cases that have occurred, every bit of information excluding patient details," Hindhaugh said looking him in the eye. "The SNI want this dealt with quickly and efficiently. Start with, I don't know, names connected with the cases. Run background checks on all the Doctors, nurses and staff involved. I'll be the first to step up and have a background check, I have nothing to hide. There has to be clues somewhere."

"It can't hurt to try," Steve said, having stayed quiet and taken in the Doctors request. "We can head back to HQ right now. I doubt it will be a problem for Kono to connect with the SNI computers, Hindhaugh can get us into the systems we need, we can run checks on similarties. maybe there's someone who has worked on all the cases."

"I guess so," Danny agreed with a nod. "That is if you're happy coming back with us Doc."

"My only concern is causing anything to make a group suspect we're onto them," Hindhaugh explained to them. "That is if there is a group. I can't imagine something like this being a product of just one person. Only a handful of personnel know about this, the only reason I know is because I was involved in your case and they wouldn't need to build many bridges to gain your trust on this."

"We'll head back right now then," Steve said, pulling the car back onto the road. "You call Kono and Chin, ask them to meet us at HQ."


	16. Building a picture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Hindhaugh's information, the team beginning to piece together the puzzle, Danny comes to a serious realisation about what has happened to him

Back at HQ the team quickly proved how efficient they could be, within hours Kono and Chin were running programs to cross reference any overlapping factors between cases. Danny had went over in finer detail the situation of spiralling out as he had and the other cases, all similar to his own. It's wasn't until a few hours into the 'case' he realised Steve wasn't present with the hub bub of activity in the bullpen and saw him glaring at his laptop in his office.

Danny left Hindhaugh to go over any information found with Chin and Kono and went to find Steve.

"What are you doing?" Danny asked, walking into Steve's office. "Because usually this is the moment you start gearing up, not pretending you know how to use your laptop."

Before Steve could reply, Danny came around his desk to peek instead, pausing in surprise at the many 'windows' open on Steve's computer.

"Having fun?" Danny smirked, leaning over by Steve to take a closer look. "What is all that?"

"Called social networking Danny," Steve pointed out. "You know there are websites, groups, online forums for pretty much anything and everything these days right? I know personally because after I found out about my mom and, okay, you, I used to scour the internet for information just trying to make sense of DRS and people who've gone through it, as well as find out about the people left behind. When Hindhaugh came to us with this, I remember some forums I found and connected chat rooms, of a more sinister nature I guess. I was upset and I was angry, but that doesn't compare to some peoples reactions, some people are on a whole different level."

"You think there's something here that can help us?" Danny asked, taking a glance over some of the sites Steve had found in only a small search.

"I don't know, just a hunch I guess," Steve shrugged. "It's probably nothing."

"A hunch can be something. It tells us there are people out there angry enough to cause serious damage," Danny said, clicking through a few links. "Look at this, SNI buildings vandalised, doctors personally attacked. Even people who've went through their events late have been targeted. I didn't realise this was actually as big a problem as it was."

"You were too busy trying to rebuild your life Danny, you moved on, built a life for you and Grace. Meanwhile these people have made it their personal mission to destroy that, because they are angry you made a choice," Steve sympathised.

"Yeah, a choice I had to make or have made for me," Danny shuddered, hating to think how it could have turned out. "God, do you think Rachel is like this. On the other side? Is she this angry with me?"

"You chose your daughter, how can she be angry at you for that?" Steve pointed out to him.

Chin tapped on the glass to get their attention and waved his hand. The two men straightened up to find out what had been found.

"We've begun cross referencing names on the cases where spirals have taken place after the patients transition," Kono explained. "But nothing so far. Then I thought if these people really are trying to work under the radar, they'll be working with aliases, more than one. Now every worker at the institutes, from the cleaning staff to directors of the board have to have a photo ID along with papers to work there. So I decided to simultaneously run facial recog."

"And we got a match," Danny finished, seeing the smug smiles of both Chin and Kono.

"Actually, we got three hits so far," Chin grinned. "I'm running them through the database now to see if we can find out their real ID's."

He did a sweep on the screen and three faces appeared on the computer screens overlooking the table station.

"I know two of them," Hindhaugh explained. "From the Jersey Institute. One of them, the one on the left, was working as a nurse when you were there Danny."

"Yeah, I remember him," Danny nodded, his face was vaguely familiar. "Pretty sure he gave me my daily meds before I went through trans."

Everyone turned to look at him and Danny leaned on the computer table, giving thought to what he had just said.

"He was substituting the meds with something else," Danny said what everyone was thinking.

"It's a possibility," Hindhaugh agreed. "The drugs used by the SNI go through strict screening processes. Over the years there have been many attempts at advancements but they haven't passed screening because of their long terms effects. I'm sure, if I did a quick search, I'd find several drugs whose symptoms were similar to creating spirals. It's possible they've been substituting certain drugs for people going through a trans."

"God damn it," Danny yelled, slamming his hand on the table, much to the consternation of Chin who considered the computer station his baby.

"Take it easy D," Steve said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You're good remember, we got you."

"No they got me," Danny said, shrugging off his hand as he stood back, anger and upset written all over his face. "They got me and they got my family."

With that he turned around and walked away, heading for the doors with a sudden need to be in the fresh air.

"Go after him, I'll call to update you," Chin said to Steve.

"Kono, if any ID's appear see if you can get a trace on any internet connections," Steve said, hurrying for the door. "My office laptop, I found a shit load of stuff, could be nothing or something. Let me know."

"Sure thing boss," Kono said after him.


	17. Partners in Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve takes Danny somewhere to clear his head and their relationship becomes closer.

Steve ran outside, scouring the area for Danny and seeing nobody. He walked along the path, wondering if Danny had took off and pausing with frustration. Danny hadn't been that far ahead.

"Over here," Danny said from behind him. He was leaning against the wall, hands braced on his knees as he took in some breaths, trying to compose his emotions.

"You want to get out of here," Steve asked, walking over to him.

"Want none of this to be true," Danny said to him. "This shit you go through at the SNI, knowing you have to make a choice, making that choice. They tell you you get over it, that everything just transitions, becomes one. I just, I lost them both, I lost Rachel twice - I can't, I just don't feel anything. I say her name and she's a stranger. My daughters mother, someone I can't even picture in my head. They did that to me, why? I can't, I just - I don't understand."

"Hey come here," Steve said, seeing how distressed Danny was. "C'mon."

It didn't matter that they were in public or that they were taking things slow. Danny was upset and Steve felt the urge to comfort him, so he stepped up and pulled Danny into him. Whether it was meant to be something more than it was or not, they were still friends first and foremost and he didn't ever want to see Danny in pain again. Seeing him spiral out was hard, seeing him hurting because of extenuating causes of that was even worse. Danny didn't resist being tugged forward into the safety of Steve's arms. He sagged against him gratefully.

"It's not a personal attack Danny," Steve reminded him. "It's a whacked out cause, like all the other whacked out groups who think they speak for everyone, think they are fixing the world. You just got caught in the crossfire of their stupid war on a situation they don't like."

"I'm not sure how involved I can be on this," Danny admitted, still holding him tight.

"That's okay," Steve said in understanding. "Let's go someplace. We don't know what we are dealing with, Chin and Kono can work with Hindhaugh, they're going to contact me when they get something. You can take a step back, see if you're up to it or not."

"Yeah, okay, good," Danny agreed and they pulled apart. They headed for the car and Steve took them away from the palace. Danny was silent for a few minutes, taking in the direction and giving a grin. "When you say someplace, you meant your place huh?"

"Just automatic pilot," Steve shrugged with a smile. "You want to go somewhere else?"

"No, it's fine," Danny assured him. "Here I was thinking you were tossing around some of that smooth dog charm. Comfort me, take me back to your place, take advantage of my emotional state."

"That obvious huh?" Steve asked with a laugh, rolling his eyes. "Danny, I'd never take advantage of you."

"Yes you would," Danny shot back dryly.

"Impossible," Steve retorted. "You wouldn't let me."

Danny looked at him and smiled knowingly, before moving his focus to the road ahead that would lead them back to Steve's.

"Yes I would."

~

"You want a beer?" Steve asked as he let them into his house.

"We're still on the clock," Danny reminded him with a shake of his head. There was an emanating tension between them that had built up in the car journey and Danny hovered not too far inside as Steve closed the door behind them. Steve had no choice but to brush past him to get around. Danny took some initiative and snagged his fingers into Steve's t-shirt at the level of his waist.

"When do you need to collect Grace?" Steve reminded him, cautiously putting a hand on his arm as he turned to him, fingers nudging under the edge of Danny's rolled shirt sleeve.

"She's been invited to a friends after school, so not until seven," Danny replied. "I don't think this is going to take that long."

He felt Steve go tense and looked up at him. Danny had been trying for humorous, but Steve stared blankly at him and tried to pull away. Danny wouldn't allow him to evade him that easily.

"What?" Danny asked him.

"This isn't just a one off thing Danny," Steve pointed out. "Least, it isn't what I want. I didn't think you wanted that either."

Danny realised Steve had misunderstood, thinking he only wanted a quick tumble in the sheets to get it out of their system.

"I didn't mean lets get this over with quickly," Danny assured him with a small laugh of amusement. "I meant I don't think whatever we end up doing will last that long. Not the way we're feeling anyway. I don't know about you but for me it's been a long time. And I was joking."

"Oh," Steve said awkwardly, looking embarrassed at his quick judgement. "Sorry."

He still stood tense, the moment had passed, but now he looked out of sorts. Danny wanted him to hold him again, that had felt nice, being held in those strong arms. It had felt safe and it was nice to rely on the safety net another person held around you rather than looking out for yourself all of the time.

"C'mere," Danny sighed, pulling him into him. After a pause Steve put his arms around him and Danny could sink against his broad chest again with a smile. "This is nice. I like this."

Steve's face turned towards him, soft breaths tickling the side of his neck with heat and moisture. That felt even better and Danny tilted his head ever so slightly, enjoying the sensation. When Steve tentatively kissed the spot, Danny clung tighter and squeezed his eyes shut. 

He snaked a hand up, around Steve's neck and into his short, clipped hairline. Nothing to snag onto didn't mean he couldn't manouvere them into a better position. He pulled back a fraction, angled his own mouth and opened his eyes for the moment it happened, guiding Steve's mouth to his own. Over the last weeks there'd been plenty of kissing and touching, Danny found he couldn't get enough and Steve was always eager to give. Steve's lips nuzzled along this cheek and against his temple.

"Come upstairs?" Steve asked gently against his skin.

Danny held back in a moment of hesitation.

"We don't have too," Steve assured him. "Not today."

"I'm sorry babe," Danny began with a shaky smile.

"We'll go as slow as you need," Steve promised, like he always did.

Danny shivered, slow sounded divine if it involved their bodies moving against one another. Steve had meant about how quick they were to get physical but broke into a grin at Danny's face.

"Why don't we move this to the couch for now," Steve said instead, diverting them further into the room.

"Sorry Steve," Danny apologised as Steve pulled him across the floor. "I'm still getting my head around us at times."

"Stop apologising," Steve smiled, turning to him and stroking a hand over his cheek. "Nothing to be sorry for."

Steve pushed him down to sit quickly, Danny leaned back against the couch and was pleasantly surprised when Steve straddled his lap, a hand roving into his hair and tugging gently back so he could kiss him again. Steve's other hand rested at his shoulder, gently holding on. The kiss was more insistent this time and Danny couldn't help but respond, it had been so long since he'd been intimate and all memories of Rachel were wiped away. Lingering memories of teenage romances were all he had to draw on these days, it was like he knew what to do but was at the same time out of his depth. He hummed pleasantly against Steve's lips but when he felt hands tugging at his shirt and trying to dip beneath the waist of his pants he panicked and froze, scrambling to slow Steve down. Over the clothes fumbling was one thing, but they'd yet to move onto skin on skin and he still felt out of his comfort zone even though he wanted too. It was frustrating to be in his mid thirties and feel like an out of his depth teen.

Steve looked at him with concern and Danny felt a flush on his cheeks. He could feel himself getting stirred up, it was nice, romantic, made him feel better than good.

"I'm sorry, just, I keep telling myself I'm old enough to be doing this, yet I feel like a naughty schoolboy at the same time," he whispered, dropping his eyes. "Though physically my body is conflicting with what my brain is telling me to do."

He felt hands cup his jaw and his face was gently lifted, Steve looked at him with a calm, soft expression. "It's okay. We go as slow as you need remember? I do like making out on the couch with you. It's become my favourite past time."

"It's been a month Steve, you don't think it's weird, that I'm still not there yet?" Danny asked in concern.

"Hey, look at me," Steve said as he looked away again embarrassed. "Remember who you're talking too D. I know what you've been through and I'm in no rush, when you're ready to take things up a level we'll go there."

Danny glanced at him and smiled, running hands up Steve's thighs. "You know what I am nervous about?"

Steve cracked a smile at Danny's sudden playful mood as Danny slid a hand around his ass and massaged his fingers gently in to the muscle.

"What's that?" Steve asked, writhing softly against his hand. 

"Making it last," Danny grinned and gave a small laugh. "I mean the sex, when we get to it. I think once you get your hands on me that will be it, over before we get started."

"That your long winded way of saying I really turn you on Danno?" Steve laughed, leaning down to steal a kiss.

"Guess so," Danny replied happily before he sobered a little. "I just don't want it to be disappointing."

"It won't be," Steve assured him, kissing him gently, taking his time to run his tongue along Danny's lower lip, then snagging it with his teeth. "We'll be good together. We already are. You think you're the only one nervous about when we have sex?"

"No," Danny shook his head. "But you have recent experiences to draw on. I have late teen flings at best to gauge myself by. Before Rachel, I didn't really do relationships. Sex was just that, sex. And it wasn't always that good if I remember correctly." 

Steve sat up straighter, resting his weight on Danny's thighs and he looked at him in thought.

"What? What's with the face?" Danny asked curiously.

"You're nervous about when we get naked," Steve said in thought. "Much as I like the idea of making you come right away I can see your point on that being an issue. Not that I wouldn't be flattered."

Danny cocked a smile and sat back on the cushions, gazing at him and trying to figure how Steve's brain worked. "Yeah? So?"

"And I get that the heavy petting is good if it doesn't go to far, I'm not pushing for that," Steve said in an assuring kind of way. "Not that I'm saying I don't want to, you know, do things to you, but I understand why you're nervous about it."

"Point, Steve? Any time today," Danny said with a small laugh.

"And I'm nervous too, but not as nervous," Steve pointed out to him, beginning to remove his t-shirt. "What I'm saying is-."

Steve pulled off his t-shirt and tossed it beside them. "You need to get used to seeing me. Then we do get further into the non clothing area, you won't be so nervous. And, well, if you're inclined to do things to me in this experimental phase of this relationship, I'm not going to be adverse to that either. And if that gets you turned on at the same time, well it's a win win situation all round."

"I've seen you shirtless before," Danny said to him, though his eyes were drawn to the incredible definition of Steve's chest and shoulders.

"Yeah in a 'swimming' or 'surfing' capacity," Steve said, taking his hand and pressing it against his chest. "But not really. Unless you've been checking me out D. You been checking me out?"

Danny smirked and couldn't help but brush his thumb over Steve's nipple. "Maybe I've checked you out. Kind of hard when you look like this and get all wet and -."

He broke off there and lifted his other hand to run it over Steve's stomach and waist. Steve didn't move and let him touch and explore with his hands. As he stroked and teased with gentle touched Danny frowned and gazed up at him with a fretful expression.

"What if I'm really bad in bed?" he lamented.

Steve gave a small laugh and pushed him back, bending down to kiss him again. "You are not going to be bad in bed."

"You don't know that," Danny groaned. "I don't know that. I actually don't. God this is frustrating."

"Danny look at me," Steve said, framing his face and leaning right into him. "Stop worrying about it. Stop thinking about it. When the time comes, it will be good. If this, right now, is good, then how will being in bed together be worse?"

"I'm sorry, this whole situation with the SNI and Hindhaugh has me just-," Danny broke off and Steve kissed his worried brow.

"Don't think about that, Chin and Kono have it covered," Steve assured him. "Right now I want you to relax and concentrate on being here with me. Can you do that for me, because I was kind of enjoying your hands on me."

"Yeah?" Danny asked, getting with the programme.

"Yeah," Steve smiled in reply, pulling back a little for Danny to run his hands over his chest again. Danny sat up further, sliding his hands around Steve's waist and up his back, pulling him closer and pressing his lips to the smooth surface of his chest. He pondered as his mouth explored, "Hmmm, do you mind that I don't wax?"

Steve chest vibrated lightly against his lips, making him grin. 

"No, I like a bit of fuzz," Steve laughed gently. "Not like you're a werewolf or anything. I'm not against smooth either, if you ever want to join me at the -."

"No thanks," Danny grinned up at him, before licking along the line of muscle the defined the left of his chest. He roved his mouth gently down and tentatively licked around the nipple there. He felt Steve give a small sigh and smiled against his skin before pulling away. "You like that?"

Steve smiled in return and nodded gently, "Yeah."

"I like this," Danny said, leaning closer again and paying more attention to the nub, flicking it with his tongue and kissing around the area. "Exploring you. Feels good."

"Mmm yeah it does," Steve agreed, kneading his fingers into Danny's shoulders as Danny suddenly snagged the nipple gently between his teeth.

Danny moved to the right side as his hands massaged and slid around the plane of his back, trailing along the lines of his shoulder blades. He sucked and teased at the nipple there and felt Steve's chest rise and fall as he breathed.

"I could get used to this," Danny smiled, trailing his mouth up to Steve's shoulders, hands sliding down to cup his ass and run along his thighs.

"Definitely," Steve agreed with a soft laugh of enjoyment. Danny craned his face up to look at him.

"Taking it slow has it merits I guess," Danny said to him.

Steve cradled the back of his head with his hand and kissed him soft and careful. Danny slipped a hand between them daringly, aware his heart was beating hard in his chest and pressed his fingers up against the crotch of Steve's pants, feeling the definite hardness of cock caught in the confines. Steve moaned gently and peeled away, staring at him for a long moment.

"Sorry," Danny whispered, moving his hand but Steve reached down to stop him.

"Don't," Steve replied. "I mean, don't stop if you don't want to. It feels good."

"Yeah?" Danny asked tentatively.

Steve cracked a smile and pressed their hands down against himself, letting Danny feel his erection through the material. "You know it does."

Danny's own cock was stirring, beginning to ache in his own pants which felt too tight. He gave a grimace and pulled his hands away, looking to the side.

"What, what's wrong?" Steve asked, stroking fingers along his neck.

"Just, this isn't fair," Danny shook his head. "You being all open with me like this and I'm not giving you anything."

"I think you getting me turned on is something," Steve laughed gently, pushing at him to sit back. Danny sank back against the cushions, hands on Steve's thighs. Steve leaned in and caught him up in a kiss again, spending a few minutes teasing his tongue against Danny's. He slipped his hands to Danny's chest and drew back a fraction. "You turned on D?"

"Yes," Danny admitted, barely a whisper.

"Good," Steve grinned. "Can I undo some buttons of your shirt?"

Danny found he could hardly breathe but nodded his head quickly. As Steve began undoing buttons he relaxed. Steve stopped halfway and pressed the material aside enough to curl down and press a kiss to Danny's clavicle. He teased and mouthed at the spot before kissing one way, then the other. Danny relaxed some more and reached between them to undo the rest of his buttons. Steve paused and smiled, realising what he was doing and helping until the shirt was fully undone and peeled apart.

"Tell me what feels good," Steve told him, before curling down again to press his mouth against Danny's right nipple.

Danny felt his cock twitch and gave a small moan, "That, that's nice."

Steve laved at the nub with the flat of his tongue, before flicking at it, nipping, sucking, Danny arched up to the touch and squirmed, breath coming quicker.

"Fuck yeah, I like that," Danny said, like Steve needed to be told.

Steve applied the same technique to the other side and found Danny even more receptive, Steve wondered if he were more sensitive there or simply getting lost in the moment. He smoothed his hands down Danny's stomach and felt him shiver and squirm.

"Nipples - good, stomach - ticklish," Danny said with a laugh. Steve looked up at him and grinned, sliding his hands up and teasing his nipples with his fingers instead as he lifted up and Danny pulled him in for more kissing.

The more he teased and pinched at the hard nubs, the more Danny squirmed and groaned.

"Steve, fuck, " Danny grunted against his mouth. His dick was throbbing, balls aching and the squirming only made it more of a turn on as material rubbed at his skin. When Steve's hand curled solidly around his crotch he sank back and grabbed Steve's arm tightly. "Steve, babe, I-."

"Want me to stop, I'll stop," Steve told him gently. "Or -."

He squeezed his fingers and Danny let out a strangled breath. With one hand he held onto Steve, fingers sliding around his neck and with the other he undid his pants enough to relieve some of the pressure. He could barely talk, trying to catch his breath and he hoped Steve got the message he didn't want to stop. His fingers ran over Steve's and he guided them to dip under the confines of material covering him. When Steve's fingers connected with his cock he groaned and arched up into him.

"Not gonna last," Danny gritted out, cheeks flushed with need and embarrassment that he was so far gone so early in their exploration of one another.

"Doesn't matter," Steve told him, rubbing his fingers up and down the thick shaft he could feel.

"Babe, fuck Steve, oh god," Danny breathed out, clutching at him tightly. Steve didn't move but rubbed harder and chased at the orgasm until it hit him. Danny arched and moaned, slack jawed and shuddering with waves of pleasure.

Steve rubbed and held him until he fell back against the couch with a dazed, satisfied expression.

"Shit, fuck, sor-," Danny started before Steve pressed a hand to his mouth.

"Don't you dare apologise for what just happened," Steve warned him, removing his hand so he could kiss him instead. "That was hot."

"You're telling me," Danny said against his lips before giving a small laugh. "Even if it was short lived."

"Well like you said, we're still on the clock," Steve laughed. "Have to return to the office sometime."

"Maybe swing by my place first, change my pants," Danny smirked, rubbing his hands against Steve's thighs. He looked at Steve with a nervous glance. "But first, is there anything uh, you need from me?"

Steve cupped his cheek and smiled at him. "Only if you want to. I can take care of it."

"Doesn't seem fair," Danny said, but he still looked nervous at the thought.

"Don't worry about it," Steve assured him.

"I just-," Danny said, fingers splaying nervously on Steve's hips.

"Hey, look at me," Steve told him, giving him a warm smile. "I said don't worry about it. We'll work on the nerves and the exploring okay. One thing at a time. You feel good right now right? A little more relaxed."

"Yeah, of course," Danny replied. He felt better than he had in a long time and in part it was because of his orgasm, but also because just being with Steve, having some alone time together was relaxing him also.

"Good," Steve affirmed. "So enjoy that. I'll need to head back to HQ soon, see what they've come up with. You coming in with me? Or you can stay here or I'll drop you home. Whatever you want."

"I'll go back with you," Danny agreed after a pause of thought. "I can't hide away from this case."

"Okay, give me a couple of minutes," Steve said, kissing him firmly. "Grab a soda or whatever if you want it."

Danny knew why he was leaving and looked at him apologetically, about to say he was sorry again when Steve leaned into him.

"Don't even say it," Steve grinned. "We'll work on it. Anyway you will be helping, you think I think of anything but you when I jerk off?"

With that Steve stole another kiss as Danny stared at him before standing and heading across the room and up the stairs before Danny could protest.


	18. Ripples

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team begin to put together a plan

They swung by Danny's for a change of clothes before heading back to HQ. Danny knew the others would pick on the fact he'd changed but didn't care at that point. He and Steve had made some breakthroughs, they'd both gotten off and he was feeling much better and determined to face the facts that something had been done to him. If they could stop it happening to other people, then he needed to be part of the process. It turned out in the few hours they'd been gone, Kono, Chin and Hindhaugh had been making lots of progress.

"We can swoop in on these three we have identified now or," Chin began explaining their theory. "We cast a net for a bigger catch. There are cases from all over the US, spirals that have taken place in the last eight months. Our guess is we haven't even touched on the bigger problem."

"You think this is global?" Danny said in surprise.

"I think there's a possibility if it isn't, that that is their goal eventually," Chin pointed out. "They've been clever in that they've only targeted a few people, crunching the numbers they could have affected several more if they had wanted. I think they wanted to keep this under the radar as long as possible before stepping up a level."

"Dr Hindhaugh also has another theory he wants to check out," Kono jumped in, giving the Doctor a nod.

"I'd need to put in some phone calls but," Hindhaugh began. "I want to find out if there have been any peaks in numbers of spirals in Alpha."

Danny looked at him in surprise before frowning.

"You think that one or more of these people have DRS?" Danny asked him. How else would they pass from Alpha to Beta to do this?

Hindhaugh shook his head at him. "That isn't likely no. But they work within the SNI buildings, so they could easily pass from Alpha to Beta providing they have high enough clearance. My theory is they've managed to get around the security protocols somehow."

"Or they have someone high enough up the ranks with security clearance who works with them," Kono interjected.

"So they're causing havoc in both realities simultaneously," Steve said with a frown. "This is turning out to be bigger than we first thought."

"At the moment it's all theory," Chin pointed out to the group. "We've no evidence, just clues pointing to the fact."

"We bring these people in and they are working in a network, we risk alerting the group that we're onto them," Danny nodded in understanding.

"But if we don't question them how do we know this is really going on?" Hindhaugh questioned.

"We do have an idea, but it's risky," Kono informed them, glancing at Chin for support. "Boss, using the information we've gathered I looked into those websites you were looking over. Dig deep enough you find some interesting stuff online."

Chin tapped the computer table and brought up some new info. "They call themselves The Hoods, shortened down from 'brotherhood' and 'sisterhood'. Now at first glance it's just a small online community of like minded individuals. But they all have something in common. They all had a family member who suffered from DRS, experiences their event later in life and chose to live, well in this case, Alpha, the other reality. This group are the people left behind."

"I got a hit on three aliases we found, I'm running for social security numbers but we're sure this is their real identifications. All of them are part of The Hood network and all of them have written about their controversial views on DRS and people making their 'choices'."

"And all of them are angry," Chin told them. "In fact the entire group are, they have groups an all the major social networking sites, a youtube channel, support networks. These people are the real deal and they are dangerous. They've yet to publicly admit to attacks on the SNI buildings, but they are vehement in their support of such actions."

"They are all but admitting it was them," Hindhaugh said grimly.

"They're clever enough to keep out of the public eye, out of the papers," Kono nodded, folding her arms. "But everything points to them being a dangerous threat."

"You said you had an idea," Steve said looking over at her and then to Chin. "What was it?"

"We get someone to infiltrate the group," Kono told him. "I can create an online alias easy enough, create a background history etc. We have an SNI building in our back yard, so we make some ripples, make it sound like our guy is angry, hurt, the kind of person who would be useful to a rogue group like this."

"Someone who'd be willing to take a risk in order to have some revenge," Chin continued for her, leaning on the computer table. "We just need to decide who. It can't be Danny, obviously they know who he is. I'm thinking me or Kono-."

"It should be you Steve," Danny said quickly, looking at him. "We wouldn't have to create a whole backstory for you, leave enough crumbs to lead them to the evidence of your moms event. You won't need to convince them of how much it hurt you."

Steve looked grimly at him and nodded in agreement. It was their best option.

"But you're so high profile," Hindhaugh pointed out to them. "The task force isn't exactly kept on the lowdown on the islands. They will know who you are."

"That might actually work in our favour," Steve replied. "They know I work with Danny, so I can use that to my advantage. I was the one who had Danny taken back to the institute when he spiralled and I wasn't exactly supportive at the time. I can make it sound like a 'keep your enemies closer' situation. We just need to hope they are arrogant enough to think I'm that small minded."

"It's worth a shot," Chin sighed with a nod. "If it means bringing them down."

"Meanwhile I'll make a few phone calls, see if my theory is correct about this occurring in both realities," Hindhaugh said in thought.

"Kono, we'll make a start on those ripples, see if we can't make waves," Steve said, leaning on the table.

"Chin and I will go with Hindhaugh to the SNI, check out their security, see how easy it would be to override," Danny said, looking to Chin who nodded.

As they turned to leave, Steve drew Danny aside. "You sure you want to go back there?"

"No," Danny shook his head honestly. "But we all have a job to do."

"Thought you wanted to sit this one out," Steve smiled, not letting go of Danny's arm.

"Guess you helped me refocus," Danny grinned. "Keep us updated."

"Shouldn't I be telling you that?" Steve smiled.

"Keep telling yourself you're in charge babe," Danny said, patting him playfully on the chest. "But you know I run rings around you."

"Just because I like watching your ass as you do that," Steve pointed out.

"You check out my ass?" Danny asked, so seriously Steve had to laugh, before cheekily patting Danny's ass in return for his teasing.

"You kidding? It's what gets me motivated to come to the office everyday," Steve informed him. "Later Danno."

Chin appeared, having gone to get his keys. "You ready?"

"Is it sexual harassment if the boss makes comments about your ass?" Danny asked him as they headed for the doors, hearing Steve let out a laugh at the question. 

Chin turned a wry eye to Danny then back at Steve, rolling his eyes and shaking his head at Danny.

"Not when it involves the two of you Danny," Chin replied dryly.


	19. The Bigger Fish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve realises the case is too big for 5-0 to handle alone and waits for the bigger fish to get in touch.

It had been a slow process, Kono had set up some background, solid enough for Steve to use as bait. Steve had decided it was too big for their small four man team to deal with, but there was debate about which agency to get in touch with. FBI, CIA, Homeland, NSA, if this was going on between both realities and globally, then perhaps there were already investigations underway.

Steve began putting out feelers in the hopes someone would pick up on the fact Five-0 were at least snooping around, hoping someone would crawl out of the woodwork and throw something at them either to halt proceedings or ask for their involvement. It took a few days, but finally something bit the hook.

"McGarrett," Steve answered the call as he was sitting in his office, researching deeper into some of the more questionable 'Hood' sites. He was slowly making his mark on them with the help of Kono, posting comments, joining in with conversations and sharing his own experience with his mother, all in the hopes of gaining their trust and it seemed to be working.

"Steve, this is Lucas Tighe, you remember me?"

Steve sat back and gave a smile. So the NSA were the ones taking an interest in the DRS cases. Not surprising, after all, if people were crossing the realities as they suspected, he supposed it was a case for National Security. Lucas Tighe was a contact from way back on one of his first SEAL missions. More of a desk jockey than field agent, he was bright, a quick thinker and Steve had found him a likeable guy.

"Yeah, Lucas, hi, long time no speak brah," Steve said calmly. He wasn't about to give anything away. No doubt the NSA already had more than enough of their information without him adding to it. "What can I do for you?"

Lucas wasn't a stupid guy and they both knew it. Steve figured maybe if the NSA had gotten someone else to to the job of getting in touch with him, he'd have ran them around in circles until he got bored. But Lucas jumped straight to the point.

"We know the task force are running a small investigation into a group called 'The Hoods'," Lucas informed him.

"I wouldn't call it small," Steve gave a shrug, staying composed.

"You would if you had the intel we've been gathering for over a year," Lucas replied with a small laugh.

"You calling me to tell me to back off?" Steve asked, not one to beat around the bush either.

"Not necessarily," Lucas assured him. "Depends on your angle. What are you planning on doing?"

"I'd rather not speak about it over the phone," Steve said warily.

"It's a secure line," Lucas told him.

Steve smiled and sat up a little. "Still, I'd rather talk face to face."

"I can be on a plane in a few hours, you tell me where and when?" Lucas agreed without argument.

"Call me when you arrive on Oahu and I'll arrange to collect you," Steve told him.

"All right," Lucas said quickly. "I'll be there ASAP."

"Done, bye," Steve replied before hanging up.

He smiled and stood up, walking out of his office to inform the team of the news.

~

"We've already got people gathering intel on the inside," Lucas explained as they ate in a restaurant. Steve had taken them into the city, surrounded by a lot of people looked less shady then sneaking into a side corner of a shady bar. "We became aware of The Hoods a couple of months ago. They are a bigger organisation than first thought, they go by various names to stay under the radar. We do know they have a group in every city that houses an SNI."

"So there is definitely one in Honolulu," Steve said with a small nod.

"Their online presence is more intense than their real life counterparts," Lucas continued. "Our intel points to the fact they keep on the lowdown socially, but recruit from support groups involved with DRS families. The ones left behind. They are careful about who they select."

"We suspected as much," Steve agreed. "We've been looking for a way to infiltrate, but I figured we'd have to wait for them to come to us."

"And then what? Take all of them on yourself?" Lucas laughed and wiped his cloth napkin over his lips. 

Steve cracked a smile and set down his fork. "At first, but the more we investigated, the more we realised how big it was. So we hung back to see what big guns were also investigating and waited for you to come to us."

Lucas stared at him for a long moment before laughing again. "You could have just called."

Steve shrugged at him, shaking his head, "Didn't know who would be taking this on. You guys, FBI, CIA, this is more than global, so whose juristiction does it fall under?"

"Yeah it's a tough call," Lucas agreed. "But our job is to gather intel and infiltrate. We are working with the other agencies, but we're taking point. Fact is everybody is concerned about what is going on."

"So what can I do to help?" Steve asked him, sitting back as a waiter arrived to remove their plates. 

They declined the offer of deserts and ordered coffee's instead. Lucas waited for the man to leave before he answered.

"There is concern you're little team could cause problems," Lucas started.

"You didn't fly all the way out here to tell me to back down," Steve shook his head at him. "You could have told me over the phone. And I know you guys know most of what we do, so you didn't come for any information we had either."

"No, I didn't," Lucas admitted. "You're lucky you have a unique set up."

Steve toyed with the stem of his wine glass and smiled. "You're talking about Danny?"

"Williams and yourself," Lucas nodded. "Williams because of his background of DRS, added with a spiral from his event. And you, because of your mothers DRS."

"Yeah we knew that from the start, it's why Hindhaugh got in touch," Steve confirmed. He frowned and glanced at the other man. "Doesn't the SNI know you're already investigating this?"

"No, the less people to know the better," Lucas replied. "We'd prefer you didn't tell him."

"Ok, so why are you here Lucas?" Steve questioned.

"To give you the go ahead," Lucas informed him. "We want you to target The Hoods here in Honolulu, infiltrate and gather intel on them. This is a big operation Steve, resources like your task force are good for us."

"What's the bigger plan?" Steve questioned, there was more to it than just infiltration.

"Find out how they are causing the spirals," Lucas explained. "We know it's through the drugs, but we don't have exact sources or how they are doing it. We suspect someone important within the SNI, but we don't know who yet. There are also concerns they are using both realities to cover their tracks."

"You mean, bringing in the drugs from Alpha and using them in Beta?" Steve frowned.

"And vice versa," Lucas confirmed. "They could be bringing them through at various points or just one central supply and shipping them throughout the country or globally. This is big Steve. You need to tread slowly. I'm advising you to take time on this, could be months before you get anywhere."

"Yeah I know," Steve agreed. "But I'm used to that, I have the necessary skills for this type of op."

"I know, which is why I was given the green light to bring you up to speed on this," Lucas grinned.

"Well thanks," Steve said, pausing as the waiter brought them their coffees.

"I'd like to meet with your team and put forward some suggestions," Lucas said as he picked up his cup. "Hindhaugh can't be there."

"Okay," Steve nodded. "Tomorrow, 0800, we can get the ball rolling."


	20. Forming a plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team begin putting a plan together to infiltrate the suspected rogue group 'The Hoods'

Steve arrived at HQ a little before 0745. Chin was on his way in and Kono was swinging by their local cafe for coffee and snacks. Danny wouldn't join them until after 0830 when Grace was safely delivered to school. Lucas arrived dead on 0800 and soon the four of them, minus Danny, were standing around the computer table getting caught up on each others information. Lucas handed Kono a tiny memory card and she loaded it up onto the computer.

"DRS Family Support," Lucas introduced as pictures and information poured out onto the screen. Kono sifted through the files as he spoke. "A local support group of families who've been affected by DRS, more specifically, family members who chose for whatever reason to live in Alpha. We have reason to believe this group is actually ran by The Hoods, though we've no solid proof. They meet every Wednesday, 1800 - 2100 at a local community centre in down town Oahu. Our intel suggests as a front, the group is a genuine article, but the Hoods use it to pick out people they think would benefit them on a more sinister level."

"So we infiltrate the group and hope we pick up their interest," Chin said in thought. "It's what we were thinking of doing, only we didn't know where to start."

"We send someone in wired up, hopefully we can get some ID's on some of the group, see if we can figure out their set up," Lucas nodded in agreement.

"We were going to send Steve," Chin informed him.

"He is the best choice for this," Lucas agreed. "You've got undercover experience, you can handle yourself and we don't have to create an elaborate phony background. It's all there for them to find out if they do a check on you. We think they've got top level access to places such as the SNI and the entire DRS network. It's a vast pool of information dating back decades. They'd have information on you within hours."

"Faster than I found out myself," Steve murmured quietly. "Okay so we're agreed, we go ahead with our plans."

"I've been given the go ahead to give you a green light on this if you agree to share all your information," Lucas informed him. "If not, well we can make things very difficult."

"Don't worry," Steve smirked, standing up and folding his arms. "Once we started looking into this, we realised it was bigger than we could handle. Just had to wait for you to come to us for help. You're here now and I'm perfectly aware of what the stakes are."

"Yeah well, I'm just making sure all the cards are on the table," Lucas replied with a small smile. "One thing that could be a hindrance is Williams."

"A hindrance?" Steve frowned. He exchanged a glance with Kono and Chin, before looking at Lucas again. "Why a hindrance?"

"Steve you need to be honest with them about who you are in order for this to go ahead," Lucas pointed out to him. "Which means they'll find out about your mother and they will find out who Williams is, about his DRS. That could cause setbacks."

"Or I use it to my advantage," Steve informed him. "You said so yourself this team is in a unique situation because of my own experience with my mother and Danny's DRS; It isn't like I can just kick Danny off the team until this case is over, they'd know something was wrong then, even if I was willing to do it, which I'm not. It isn't an option."

"I'm just suggesting he lays low," Lucas told him.

"No," Steve shook his head. "He's part of this team and he will be part of this investigation. He's my partner and I need him watching my back. And don't tell him this, but I need him telling me straight how it is, Danny doesn't pussy foot around and that's why we are good together. He's more experienced than me undercover and I'll want his input into handling this."

Lucas stared at him for a long pause before smiling and raising his hands in surrender. "My apologies, it was just a suggestion, not an order."

He smirked and looked away. Chin and Kono also ducked their heads and Steve found himself momentarily thrown, seeing how his reaction would cause them all to think. He supposed he had been a little defensive of his partner.

"Hey, sorry I'm late," Danny declared, walking through the doors. "What'd I miss?"

Steve glared at Kono and Chin as they sniggered and gave each other a look. Lucas turned to grin at him and Steve gave him a shrug, waved him over to the table and gave him a quick rundown of their plans so far.


	21. The Support Group

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve attends a DRS-FS meeting.

When Steve arrived there were only five or six others gathered. A woman in her mid fifties welcomed him at the door and directed him to a refreshments table and invited him to take a seat. He positioned himself on the back row where he could watch the entire room. Steve was surprised by the turn out, the room began filling up with people of various ages and background, he profiled them one by one. There were thirty six of them in all.

"If everyone would like to take their seats," A young man announced from the front of the room. "We'll get started."

Any stragglers sat down and paid attention as the meeting began.

"Welcome everyone," the man began, surveying the room with a wide smile. Steve instantly branded him as a fake, the guy tried too hard to win everybody over and Steve saw right through the pretension. "We are DRS Family Support. I see familiar faces and new ones joining us today. My name is Mark and I've been part of DRS FS for five years. My brother abandoned myself and my family to remain in Alpha."

The group stirred, one or two were audible in their sympathy and people whispered to one another in understanding. Steve picked up on the word play Mark was using, his brother had chosen to remain in Alpha, evidently this group considered that abandonment.

"It's been difficult," Mark continued, looking grieved. "For all of us. I was close to my brother, we were best friends and it took me a long time to come to terms with the fact he chose to remain in Alpha. My parents-,"

Mark broke off and sighed, giving the room a sweeping look. Steve felt he was at some sort of play at the theatre and not a support group. Mark had them hooked with his story.

"They've never gotten over it," Mark continued. "This group, and groups like DRS FS have been pivotal in our trying to understand why and come to terms with the fact we will never see him again. I'd like to open up the meeting to anyone who would like to share their experience, if you're new, tell us your story, if you're a regular, share how you have been coping. Remember, we are all here for one another."

Steve wanted to roll him eyes at the dramatic way Mark spoke but instead he stayed in as neutral a position as he could, well aware he needed to blend in. One by one people stood up to talk, fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, daughters, sons, friends, partners, wives, husbands - everyone had a story. For some it had been years, for one woman it was her husband and he'd gone through his event only three weeks before. She broke down crying as she shared her story and Steve couldn't help feeling sympathetic to everyone. He knew how frustrating it was, how angry and hurt you felt knowing you'd been abandoned. Only now he also understood the trauma the person going through the event went through also. Danny had shown him the other side of the coin and it was just as painful, just as traumatic. Even worse for Danny, he'd lost part of himself in the process, something he'd never regain. At least everyone sitting at the meeting had their memories, that was something better than nothing.

They had a break half way through to get more refreshments and to get to know people one on one. Steve was wired up so the team could listen in, but he'd refrained from wearing an ear piece. Instead he stepped outside for a moment and called Danny.

"You okay?" Danny asked him.

"Yeah, you guys getting it all?" Steve asked him.

"Every word," Danny replied. "You need to speak Steve."

"Don't you think it's a little early for that?" Steve asked, feeling suddenly nervous about that. The only person he'd spoken to in detail about his mother was Danny.

"No, you need to make an impression," Danny told him. "Talk about your mom and talk about me."

"I'll talk about my mother, but not you Danny," Steve said in surprise. "You've heard the way they talk about the people who chose Alpha. I don't think they'll be sympathetic to my knowing someone like you."

"Which is why you need to talk about me," Danny insisted. "And not in a good light. We know someone in that group or connected to the group is also in with The Hoods. You told me how angry you were about your mother and I know, at the beginning, you were angry at me too. You need to show them that."

"But I'm not-," Steve began, but Danny cut him off.

"I know you aren't as angry at me like you were babe," Danny assured him. "But you need to convince them that you are."

Steve sucked in a breath and let it out, "All right. But just remember, everything I say, everything you hear -."

"I know Steve, I know," Danny told him. "You should go back in, mingle. You suspect anybody yet?"

"One or two," Steve admitted.

"Then go get friendly with them," Danny pointed out.

Steve let out a sigh, knowing Danny was right. He'd faced tougher situations than this, but having the team, having Danny, listening in on proceedings was making it hard.

"See you later," Steve said before disconnecting the call. He re-joined the milling crowd, helping himself to a coffee and noticed Mark was stood beside him, looking at him closely. Steve took it he was being observed just as much as he was watching the group.

Mark gave him one of his dazzling fake smiles and reached out a hand. "You're new aren't you?"

Steve smiled back, he could be equally as fake, and gripped the younger mans hand firmly. Mark was in his mid twenties, black hair jelled and styled, tanned complexion, piercing green eyes. He was Steve's height, square jaw, thin frame. Attractive and he knew it, and he used it to his advantage.

"Yes, I am," Steve replied calmly. "Steve, pleased to meet you."

"Pleased to meet you Steve," Mark smiled, shaking his hand before patting his arm and motioning to the crowd. "It's always good to see we're reaching new people. Our aim is to offer support to people in need. Are you going to share your personal experience tonight?"

"Oh, I don't know," Steve acted coyly, giving a small shrug.

"It helps to talk about it," Mark said sympathetically, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

"It's been a long time," Steve said, giving him a look of nervousness. Inside he was revolted by the young mans behaviour, and he imagined in other circumstances he and Danny would have had a fun time ripping the guy apart with some carefully barbed words. "I don't know if I could get up in front of people and talk about it."

"Well perhaps one on one?" Mark suggested, glancing at the large clock on the wall. "We've another fifteen minutes or so before we begin the next half of the meeting. That is, if you'd like to talk to someone. We're all here for one another here."

"Sure, okay," Steve said, giving him another smile. Inwardly he groaned, he'd prefer not to be sharing any personal details with the man. Mark led them to some vacant seats away from the crowd. Only a few people sat around nearby, talking one on one with each other.

"Who is it for you?" Mark asked as a opener for the conversation.

"My mother," Steve admitted, feeling the sting inside. It still hurt, knowing the choice she made, the cover up that took place afterwards to shield himself and Mary from the truth that they eventually pieced together themselves. At least he didn't have to pretend about that.

Mark nodded in understanding. "Was it recent?"

"I was fifteen," Steve continued. "But I didn't find out until I was older."

"They didn't tell you?" Mark asked with an arched brow, before he leaned in towards him, as if the secret Steve held was juicy and tasteful. Steve got the feeling Mark got off on peoples suffering and hours of need.

"No, she died in a car accident," Steve explained. "At least, that is what they told me. It was her event you see. She chose to remain in Alpha, with the family she had there."

"And they tried to keep it a secret," Mark said with a horrified expression. He reached out and put a hand on Steve's arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. "That must have been hard, finding out the truth."

"It was," Steve nodded. "I'd always suspected something was wrong about her death. I had to go searching for the truth, it didn't just come out naturally. I think I'd have preferred it if she'd actually died than knowing she just didn't want us anymore."

"It's the toughest part of being left behind," Mark agreed sympathetically. "I miss my brother, but part of me hates him for what he's done. It can be frustrating, all of the emotions that we have because of DRS. Some people think it's only the people with the DRS who suffer, but at least, well, at least they have two lives to choose from. It's so selfish, they get to choose and we get left behind. but they live on with the other 'us' in Alpha, so they don't lose us. None of it is fair, why should we suffer because of them?"

"I don't think I'll ever forgive my mother," Steve said with a shake of his head. It was a lie, in part he'd come to accept what his mother had gone through. But that was because of knowing Danny and seeing the other side of things, seeing the person who'd had to make the choice. Danny had done the right thing choosing Grace, but he knew he'd sacrificed his wife, marriage, a whole life on the other side because of that choice. And life hadn't been easy for him, bringing up a daughter alone, making ends meet doing a dangerous job just to keep the streets safe for her. Steve knew wherever his mother was, she carried the guilt of her decision day in day out, despite having a family in Alpha, another son and daughter, a husband. And Steve couldn't be sure that Alpha was any better or worse than Beta.

"Everyone thinks we ought to forgive," Mark said with a nod. "I can accept what my brother did, but I don't forgive him. His choice affected my life. Like you said, I'd rather he was dead than know he chose not to live here in this reality. It's callous when you think about, selfish and callous."

"I guess I'd learned to just get on with life," Steve said nodding, though he found Mark irrational and a little whacked if he was perfectly honest. Part of him suspected him a 'Hood', the other part just thought Mark was a bitter, sad young man who'd been traumatised by his brothers 'event'. "But then-,"

Steve paused for dramatic effect, glancing away and feeling Mark's fingers tighten on his arm. As he'd hoped, Mark was hooked on his story.

"What? What is it?" Mark encouraged him to continue. "You shouldn't bottle it up Steve."

"I found out my best friend, someone I'd begun to care about very much," Steve started, feeling the words choking in his throat. He coughed and took a drink of coffee to steel himself for what he was about to say. He remembered what Danny had advised, to recall how he'd felt when he'd first found out about him before they'd talked things through and gotten past the problem. "He had DRS, he made his choice to stay here in Beta a few years ago. He kept it a secret from me, I'd known him so long and the only reason he told me was because something happened and he was forced too. I felt like our friendship had been founded on a lie."

"That's awful Steve," Mark said, patting his arm. "Truly. I can't imagine how it must have made you feel."

"We work together," Steve said, not looking at him. He kept his eyes down, hoping to look like it was a distressing conversation. "I feel like I don't know him any more. He isn't the person I thought he was."

"God to know what he's done," Mark said with disgust. "Making a choice, what he must have left behind. You know what it must be like for the people in his life he once knew, that must be hard, having to work with someone like that. I'm not sure I could do it."

"Well you know what they say," Steve said, drawing inspiration from Danny's own words. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

Mark gave a small laugh at that, finding the idea amusing. "Yes I suppose. But your friendship musn't be the same now."

"He knows how I really feel," Steve replied and at least that part was honest, Danny did know how he felt. He aimed for Mark to misunderstand, which he did.

"I think it says a lot about you if you choose to remain working with him," Mark pointed out.

"Thanks, I'll take that as a compliment," Steve said with a small laugh, making light of the situation. He took another sip of coffee and looked at Mark who was looking at him with a admiring look.

"Sorry to interrupt, but it's getting on Mark and we only have the place until nine remember," The woman who had greeted Steve when he'd first arrived had appeared beside them.

"Yes, of course," Mark nodded quickly, holding a hand out to Steve. "Well it was good speaking to you Steve. If you feel up to it, I think you should share with the group, at least about your mother. Perhaps even your um, friend, if you feel up to it. We're here to help."

"Yeah, I'll see," Steve nodded, shaking his hand again.

Mark stood and left and Steve went to the back row again as the meeting once more began. A few more people shared their story and Steve could hear Danny's voice in his head telling him to get up and talk. He really didn't want to, but he glanced at the clock, saw time was getting on and eventually raised his hand. Mark, who'd been watching him carefully for any sign, quickly hushed the room and motioned to Steve.

Steve swallowed down and stood, Mark giving him an encouraging nod. Steve focused on a spot ahead of him and began, sharing about his mom and how difficult it had been for himself, Mary and his dad. In a strange way it was liberating to share his story with people who understood what he had gone through. When he allowed himself to look around, he saw many sympathetic faces and realised that although there was a rogue group infiltrating these kind of meetings, fact was people like himself, the ones left behind, were in need of support and guidance. It did hurt that they'd been abandoned, it hurt to know you weren't chosen and it felt like you'd been robbed. But you learned to accept it, you learned to forgive and you learned to understand. At least he had, and of the people he'd listened to that evening, he realised they'd learned that too. People like Mark were the type to try and poison that forgiveness people felt. On unsuspecting people, especially the ones fresh from the experience, they were the ones who'd be easily swayed.

Steve chose not to share about Danny with the group. It wasn't fair on Danny to parade his experience with strangers, it was Danny's story to tell. Steve knew if Mark were one of the 'Hoods', the information was good to get him on his side, but he didn't need the group to know. He finished his story and sat down, to a small smattering of applause from people around him.

"Thank you Steve," Mark said standing and heading to the front. "Thank you everyone, for coming and sharing your stories. In sharing our experiences, we help one another. Unfortunately that is all we have time for this week. But next week, same place, same time. I hope to see you all then. Thanks everyone."

The group applauded and began to dissipate. Steve mingled with one or two people who came over and shook hands with him, talking about what he'd had to say. None of them flagged up as a suspect to him and most, like himself, were simply people who had lost someone because of DRS. Eventually he headed outside, walking along the street he got out his cell and was about to call Danny when a voice stopped him from behind.

"Steve," Mark said, catching up to him.

Steve paused and gave him a smile he hoped appeared warm and friendly. "Hi, great meeting, I'm glad I came. I knew meetings like it took place but I was never brave enough to come to one."

"I wouldn't think a guy like you would be afraid of anything," Mark smiled and Steve had to hide a smirk. The guy was flirting with him. Danny wasn't going to let him live it down.

"Was there something you wanted?" Steve asked, waving along the street. "It's just, I need to get going."

"No, just, thanks for coming tonight, it was really nice to meet you," Mark said smiling and resting a hand on his arm again. "It would be nice to see you here again."

"Yeah, I'll probably come back," Steve nodded. "When I can make it. Is there a schedule for other meetings? I'm not sure I'll make it every Wednesday."

"Wednesdays are the regular night for us," Mark said with a shrug.

"Oh, well, we'll see," Steve nodded, thumbing over his shoulder. "I gotta run."

"Actually," Mark stopped him, a tight grip on his arm. Steve turned to look at him with a curious glance. Mark looked around to make sure they were alone. "Well myself and some friends get together once a week at someone's house. It's less formal than the DRSFS meetings, but we still talk about the same stuff. If you're interested you could give me your number, I could text you the details the next time we arrange something. I think you'd like the group and your story, it's interesting, the part about your uh, friend?"

"Acquaintance, work partner," Steve corrected. "We're working on the friends thing."

"Friend, enemy," Mark shrugged, giving him a cocky smile. "So would you be interested?"

"Yeah, sure, I'll give you my number," Steve smiled, giving him a number to a cell phone they'd gotten ready just in case he was approached by anyone he considered suspect. Mark typed it into his own phone and smiled at him.

"Thanks, well, I'll let you know," He grinned, taking Steve's hand.

"Thanks Mark, it was a good evening," Steve replied, shaking his hand and holding it a lingering few seconds longer than necessary. "And it was very nice to meet you."

Danny was going to rip him a new one for flirting but if it helped gain Mark's trust he didn't care. The young man gave a bashful smile, withdrawing his hand and looking suddenly out of his depth.

"See you later," Mark eventually said, turning away.

"I look forward to it," Steve said after him, receiving a fleeting glance as Mark looked back at him over his shoulder. Steve turned and went on his way.


	22. Kind of, Sort of, Date...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team share initial thoughts on the evenings events. Steve asks Danny out on a date.

"He's either a really fucked up kid who needs to speak to a professional," Danny said as soon as Steve walked through the doors to HQ. "Or he's a very clever manipulator."

Steve smiled and shrugged, joining them around the computer table. "Or both. Well, he's got the number, all we need now is for him to call. Sorry I didn't push for personal details, thought it was too early, didn't want to scare him off."

"Best way to play it," Chin surmised with a nod. "You lay down a good foundation, all we need is a bite. You think he's a suspect?"

"I wasn't sure until I told him about Danny," Steve said in thought. "He changed after that, seemed interested in that particular part of my story more than my mom. He's definitely got anger issues when it comes to DRS, he doesn't hide that very well, I can see enough evidence of that."

Steve glanced at Danny and put a hand on his shoulder, "You don't mind that I brought you up?"

"Course not," Danny shook his head at him. "Told you too didn't I? Seemed like he bought into it."

"I didn't mean-," Steve began to apologise. Danny raised a hand and gave him a smile.

"I know," Danny assured him. "We're cool babe."

"Well we have a monitor on the cell number you gave him, if he does contact you in any way we'll be able to gather intel from number he contacts you from," Kono said, leaning on the table. "Until then all we can do is wait."

"We need to keep a record of everything we're doing for the NSA," Steve said, standing straighter. "I want a copy of any reports we hand over to them."

The other three nodded in understanding. Danny checked his watch and thumbed over his shoulder.

"I gotta go, it's getting late and I only got the sitter until ten," He said, turning to leave. "See you all in the morning."

Kono and Chin said goodnight as he headed for the exit, Steve moved to catch up with him.

"Want some company?" Steve asked with a smile as they headed down the stairs.

Danny grinned and looked over at him. "I was going to swing by somewhere for takeout, if you want to come back for something to eat."

"Eat huh?" Steve repeated in thought. Danny laughed and gave him arm a soft thump. 

"I want to take things slow Steve," he said as they headed outside and towards the car. "But asking you back to my place for food, that sort of counts as a date I guess."

"I invited myself," Steve pointed out.

"No, you asked if I wanted company," Danny shook his head. "I'm agreeing and asking you to join me in eating junk food on the sofa."

"Still doesn't count as a date," Steve replied, taking the keys from Danny's hand as soon as he slid them from his pocket. Danny began to protest but Steve was already sliding into the drivers seat. Danny reluctantly got into the passenger seat and pulled his belt on. 

"I'm afraid to ask what you do count as a date," Danny said as they pulled out of the parking lot.

"Maybe you'll find out," Steve said, foot on the gas, the roads were relatively empty.

"Maybe?" Danny raised a brow and glanced at him. 'Maybe' he muttered again, giving a small shake of his head. "You're such a romantic babe. _Maybe_."

"Danny, would you like to go out some time?" Steve smiled knowingly. "With me. On a date?"

He heard Danny about to launch into a sarcastic reply before he paused. Steve looked over at him curiously, wondering what he was about to say. Danny looked at him, giving a coy smile.

"Yes thanks, that would be nice," Danny said calmly.

"What?" Steve asked with a shrug at Danny's cool demeanour. He was expecting at least a few barbed words tossed his way.

Danny gave a small laugh and shook his head. "Can't remember the last time I was asked out on a date. It's kinda nice."

"Ah see now I'll have to make it real good just to make up for that," Steve grinned. "And I was just going to take you to the movies and feel you up in the back row."

Danny laughed and looked out the window, "Very funny Romeo. Pull over to the left and I'll treat us to a chinese."


	23. Trust gained

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months later and Steve has managed to infiltrate the group and gained Mark's trust. Mark sets him a task.

_Four Months Later_

Steve settled down on the easy chair opposite Mark. For weeks he'd been attending the DRS-FS groups as well as this private group Mark had connected him with. Slowly but surely he'd infiltrated The Hoods and gained their trust, convincing them his position as the leader of 5-0 had no sway on his personal vendetta against his mother and people like her who had abandoned their families by making their choice. He knew they were watching him, his own personal intel had told him these people knew what they were doing. He'd changed nothing of his daily routine and carefully rooted the idea to convince them his friendship and growing closeness to Danny was a means of eventually causing Danny damage and hurt. He knew the group thrived on the idea of vengeance, so the idea of him hurting Danny in such a personal way helped him gain their trust.

As he sat and looked at Mark, he knew they had reached a turning point, an understanding. Mark was about to let him in to crucial information he'd been patiently waiting to gain access too. How the group operated, their ultimate goal, Steve knew their reasons, but now he was about to be brought into the fold fully.

"Guess you're wondering what this is all about?" Mark said, a smile dancing on the edge of his lips, like he was toying with Steve.

Steve had never pretended to be oblivious to Mark's charms or flirtations. He figured the more honest he could be around the man, the better it was to gain his trust. Smiling, he looked the man in the eye.

"Actually I think I have a good idea of why you want to talk to me, alone," Steve replied calmly. "I've never hidden my identity, you know I'm 5-0's leader so you must have guessed I've done some research into The Hood's and what you are about. I've had ample opportunities to turn you over to the authorities, arrest you myself, throw a cog in the works. But I haven't and you know why-."

"Blood is thicker than water," Mark grinned, leaning forward on his elbows. For a few weeks now Mark had been waxing lyrical about the idea of brotherhood and how they were almost like brothers through their experience with DRS and how it had brought them together. "You know there are some of the group who still don't trust you."

"I know, and maybe I'll never gain their trust," Steve nodded in agreement before shrugging. "There's nothing I can do to change that, that is their problem. I don't know what I can do to convince them otherwise, so I guess we're at a stalemate. However I know you trust me and that's what's important. That is what matters."

"I've been in two minds about bringing you in on this," Mark admitted. "I don't trust people easily-."

"And I know why that is," Steve nodded, looking at him sympathetically. "You know I don't take our friendship lightly Mark. I appreciate you have trust issues because of _him_."

"I don't want to talk about my brother right now," Mark snapped, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry," Steve said, holding up his hands innocently. "I'm just trying to say - not everyone is like that. I'd say you can trust me, but it's all just empty words. Only you know if you can or not."

"And I do," Mark replied, taking in a breath and calmly looking at Steve again. "That's why I want to bring you in on our operation. We're about to infiltrate the SNI building of Honalulu and I need your help."

"What can I do?" Steve asked, hoping he sounded eager enough.

"We have contacts in the SNI, but it's difficult to gain intel on the buildings without rousing suspicions towards them," Mark explained. "I want you to get us blue prints of the building as well as all the information on the security and access. They aren't on public record because of the security surrounding the SNI, but you shouldn't have any trouble."

"You kidding," Steve raised his eyebrows and gave a small shake of his head. "The security levels surrounding SNI are way out of my authority. I try and gain access to that information, people are going to ask why."

"C'mon Steve," Mark smiled, leaning closer towards him. "You telling me with your history and the kind of contacts you've made over the years that you can't pull some strings and cash in a few favours? You aren't a stupid guy, I know you can do this for us. We're ready to take steps to further The Hoods powers against the SNI and their entire system, but I need you to get us there. Once we have the blue prints and security info, we're on. Course if you can't, we'll find another way, but suspicions are already being roused, security is being upped all the time and it's harder to hack into their systems. This way we can keep suspicions off us long enough to get in there and make contact with Beta as well as leave a mark. Honolulu is one of the last SNI buildings in the US that we've to touch."

"I don't know Mark," Steve shook his head, he had to convince the man he was on his side but having reservations.

"Steve, you're on our side right?" Mark said, reaching over to rest a hand on his knee. "I'm trusting you with this."

"It's a big ask," Steve said, resting his hand over his, even though it turned his stomach to flirt and pretend he cared for the guy and his friendship.

"Not too big for you," Mark squeezed his fingers, smiling at him. "I know you can do this."

"If I do it," Steve said, looking him in the eye. "And I can't promise I can, but I will try. And if I do, and you can put this plan into action, I want in."

Mark looked momentarily surprised and clenched at his knee, leaning back a little. For a moment Steve was scared he'd just dashed his hard work to pieces, pushed too hard, too fast. But Mark's eyes shone like he'd just been handed a prize.

"Really Steve? You mean it? We could do with a guy like you, with your knowledge and experience, but I didn't think - well I didn't think you'd want to be much more involved. Not with your career on the line. I know I'm asking too much of you already."

"What they've done to us," Steve said, the lie dripping off his tongue. "What they did to all of us, I want payback. I want in, to make them suffer, like they've made us all suffer."

"Get us what we need and it's done," Mark promised. "I'll show you just what kind of impact we can make on the sons of bitches who caused us so much misery."


	24. In Your Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The case is beginning to get to Steve, leaving him stressed and anxious. But instead of bottling it up, he opens up to Danny. They spend their first night together.

"You okay babe?" Danny asked as he drained pasta over the sink. 

Steve was stood by the dining room table. He'd had been quiet since arriving home and Danny had been patient enough to leave him to his thoughts for the time being.

"Yeah," Steve replied distractedly, glancing around for something to do to busy himself. He felt on edge.

Danny glanced round at him before returning his attention back to preparing their supper. Steve sat down, knees jerking, arms folded. He didn't sit for long, standing again, walking over to the counter by Danny and hovering.

"Steve," Danny said as he began plating up the food. "What's going on? Something's on your mind, what is it?"

"They are Danny," Steve said sharply, slamming his hand on the counter and wincing at the impact. "This is - it's just getting so personal and so - so messed up. It's not like I'm not trained for this kind of infiltration but I just, they've gotten under my skin. With my mom, my family, you - I don't know how much more I can take."

Danny turned to him with surprise, putting the pan and large ladle he was using down. He moved over to him as Steve turned, head back as he closed his eyes, arms folded around his body like he were protecting himself from whatever conflicts his brain was dealing with right then and there.

"Hey, hey c'mere," Danny said gently, peeling Steve's tense arms apart so he could step up against him. "Calm down okay? Take a breath."

Steve did as he was told and breathed in deep, lowering his head with a grimace. "I'm sorry. Tonight things got intense and it's really gotten to me."

"I know," Danny nodded in agreement. Steve had already informed the team of the meetings events. The Hoods were putting final touches to their plan and Steve was an integral part of that. "You know you can pull out of this at any time. We've got enough on them to take you out of the equation Steve, nobody would think any less of you for dropping out."

"You know I can't do that," Steve shook his head, giving him a squeeze before loosening his arms and leaning back against the counter.

Danny understood he had his reasons. They still didn't know the inside contacts who were helping move drugs to both realities and they were powerful names who, if exposed, would help cripple the rogue networks and their missions. He also knew one of Steve's reasons for refusing to back out was because it was in his duty bound honour to carry out a mission, failure wasn't an option. Damn SEAL pride sometimes made him blind to what was going on around him, but Danny could at least appreciate Steve opening up to him about what was bothering him. Steve tensed up again, mouth set and the moment had passed, Danny moved back to sorting dinner, knowing when Steve wanted to talk he'd open up again.

Steve was still tense at dinner but loosened up as Grace got to talking to him about school, about when he was next going to take her surfing and asking him to help her with a science project because Danno had told her Steve was a bit of a science geek. Steve grinned like an idiot at being asked and Danny took some comfort in that.

After the food they settled down on the couch. Steve was relaxed enough to enjoy a movie, Grace curled up between the two of them until Danny declared it bedtime and they had the usual protests of 'just five more minutes'. Eventually Danny heaved her over his shoulder, Grace dissolving into giggles and begging Steve to save her, twenty minutes later she was tucked up in bed.

"I should go," Steve said reluctantly a little after ten. Danny was about to protest himself and ask him to stay, things had been gradually becoming more intimate between the two of them, but they were yet to start sharing a bed longer than a few hours. But Steve still seemed distracted by what was going on with the case and Danny didn't want to add to that stress. Instead he showed him to the door where Steve lingered long enough to kiss him, slow and easy.

Danny collapsed on the couch a little weak kneed, a small smile on his lips and comforted by the fact that despite his stresses, Steve wasn't putting any barriers up between them. Danny had been worried it would be the case as Steve infiltrated the group deeper and deeper, re-opening old wounds and reliving the memories of his mothers death and realising she was actually still alive, just in a place Steve had no chance of going to.

A sharp, urgent knocking roused him from where he'd fallen asleep on the couch, TV low in the background. It was past midnight and mentally he reminded himself his gun and ammo were in the table drawer left of the door, just in case. He opened the door a fraction and frowned.

"What are you doing here?" Danny he asked sleepily, opening the door further for Steve to slip inside.

"Had to see you," Steve shrugged.

"Saw me two hours ago, you know, when you left," Danny told him. "You okay? You look wound up."

It dawned on him that Steve was wound up and not in a ticked off kind of way. More like in a seductive, need you now, sort of way. Danny was still coming to terms with how hands on Steve liked to get with him, how feelings between them stirred up quickly, like adding petrol to a fire. Steve staring at him with a predatory gaze made a shiver go down his spine and his cock twitched in appreciation. Danny was also well aware his daughter was sleeping in a room not far away. Steve drew nearer to him and before Danny could let out any form of protest to keep things quiet Steve had gathered him close and was kissing him hungrily. Any protest died on Danny's lips as he sank into the kiss, clutching and tugging at Steve's shirt, still groggy from sleep. He felt Steve manoeuvre them back towards the couch and managed to put a halt to it, wrenching away from him.

"No, bedroom," Danny gasped out. No way was he going to be found in a compromising act by his daughter with her 'Uncle Steve'. He went to pull away but Steve was reluctant to let go, pulling him in for a kiss again. Danny gave him a firm push, putting some distance between them. "Babe, I'm doing this for our own good. To save face with my daughter who at times isn't the heaviest of sleepers."

"Okay, okay," Steve lamented, pulling him close again even so. "Bedroom it is."

"Don't you even," Danny began as Steve's hands slid down his back and cupped his ass before sliding further, Steve stooping a little lower and bracing himself. "Steven!"

Danny's hissed warning fell on deaf ears as Steve lifted him, Danny had no choice but to slide his arms around his neck or fall, giving Steve a chance to part his legs, supporting his thighs. Danny figured 'when in Rome' and wrapped his legs around Steve firmly as well. He wasn't exactly a light guy and if Steve wanted the burden of carrying him to the bedroom who was he to complain. Steve looked smug and Danny took the opportunity to acquaint his mouth with Steve's slender neck as Steve walked them over the room.

"Don't know if this is romantic or cheesy," Danny laughed quietly as Steve moved into his bedroom, Danny helpfully reaching out to close the door behind them. Steve spun them around and Danny gasped out a breath as his back collided with the wall. "Or just incredibly sexy."

"Let's go with the third option," Steve murmured before kissing him, pressing Danny's against the wall with his own body.

Danny would have tried for some sarcastic comment but his dick twitched and he couldn't help but writhe against Steve's hard frame for friction. He wished he was naked, then all Steve would need to do was unzip his pants and -. Danny froze, letting out a small moan at the thought. They'd gotten physical, skin on skin, explored each other, but they'd not gotten to full on penetration. The idea of it alone got him hard and he moaned again, clinging onto Steve tightly.

"You okay?" Steve asked, realising something had changed.

"Shit yes, yes," Danny said, burying his head against his neck. "Just my mind running away with me. Fuck."

"I'm guessing they are good thoughts," Steve said and Danny could feel the laugh rumble right over Steve's chest, vibrating against his own.

"Shut up," Danny groaned. "Spoiling the moment. My mind keeps running away with me, reminding me there are still things we haven't done."

"What do you want Danny, tell me," Steve whispered, mouth right by his ear making Danny shiver happily.

"Want this to be as good as I imagine," Danny sighed hopefully.

"What do you imagine it's like," Steve asked, beginning to roll his hips, setting a smooth, easy rhythm that made Danny gasp hard. Steve's hands still dug into his ass and held him steady as he rocked against him. "Tell me what you're thinking right now."

Danny buried his face into Steve's neck with a flush of embarrassment and need. Tell Steve his fantasies? What he was thinking didn't even come close to those. Steve was moving his body, hips rolling hard against his and making Danny lose his breath every time it felt so good.

"Me, naked," Danny admitted, stopping and pausing but Steve didn't laugh or make a sarcastic remark so he kept going. "You pinning me to the wall just like this. Oh god Steve-."

Steve didn't stop and didn't say anything, urging him to continue as he rocked against him.

"I'm prepped and ready and - fuck," Danny bit down on his lip, tightening his legs around Steve, feeling Steve's hand digging into his thigh muscles. "You're dressed, you unzip and you take me. Fuck me right up against the wall like this."

Steve kissed him, then rolled his hips again making Danny groan out it felt so good. "That's some imagination Danno," Steve teased with a smile. "We'll have to put it to good use."

"Keep seducing me like this and that won't be a problem," Danny laughed lightly.

"Much as I'd like to fulfil that particular fantasy," Steve said, kissing him gently every few words. "We're not quite there yet."

"Not yet," Danny agreed. "But it's good to have goals."

It was Steve's turn to laugh and he pulled them away from the wall, twisting them round and taking the few steps to the bed, tipping Danny onto it and following him closely, body leaning heavily against his.

"Can I stay over tonight?" Steve asked him with a hopeful look.

"You kidding?" Danny grinned. "You don't get to seduce me then leave in the middle of the night McGarrett."

"You going to explain to Grace why her Uncle Steve is still here in the morning?" Steve asked cautiously.

"What, I can't have sleepovers?" Danny laughed, tugging him close as Steve moved to lift off him. "We'll figure it out later. Right now let's not talk about my daughter."

"Yeah I've got other things to talk about," Steve said, hand sliding down Danny's stomach to dip under the waistline of the boxer shorts he was wearing. "Like are you going to take these off yourself or do I have to undress you?"

"You started this," Danny teased and Steve looked decidedly focused as he pulled away from him, hands on Danny's boxers and pulling them down his thighs to reveal his prize underneath. He pulled the shorts fully away and tossed them to the floor. Danny could only watch and gasp in pure pleasure as Steve slid his legs apart gently and leaned between them, mouthing at his dick hungrily. "Shit, Steve fuck."

There was a pause as Steve gave him a quick look to make certain Danny was happy with proceedings before he slipped his cock between his lips. Danny clenched his fist and pressed it against his mouth. Grace's room was down the hall and he was hoping to prevent any embarrassing interruptions. Steve's mouth was efficient the way it fitted around his shaft and created the right amount of slick and pressure to make him groan and hump his hips upwards. Steve's hands planted into his thighs to gentle him and he didn't let up on the rhythm he set as he raised up and down.

"Steve, babe, keep going like that I'm not going to last," Danny muttered out half crazed with pleasure.

Steve pulled away with a smug grunt, mouthing at his balls a few moments before crawling up over him, Danny twisting a hand into his shirt and looking happily at him.

"Where'd you learn to give head like that?" Danny laughed in enjoyment, dick still twitching and wet from Steve's mouth.

"Years of practice," Steve retorted, "Glad you like."

"You're a human vacuum," Danny pointed out, making Steve laugh quietly.

"Thanks for the compliment Danno," Steve replied, straddling his thighs and sitting back to strip of his t-shirt. Danny sat up on his elbows and took in the view appreciatively, the defined muscles of his torso, chest and arms. Sculpted and incredibly sexy, especially with the ink adorning them. Steve was arrogant enough to enjoy being viewed, something Danny liked a lot about him, Steve took pride in his appearance so why shouldn't he enjoy being looked at?

Danny stared and frowned, roving his eyes up to Steve's face who watched him turn from happy to sad in an instant. Steve instantly leaned forward, crowding him, stroking his face with his hands.

"What's wrong? What are you thinking?" Steve asked him.

Danny slid an arm around him and stroked his fingers up and down his back.

"If I'd chose different, I would never have had this," Danny said quietly. "I may never have even met you."

"But you wouldn't know what you were missing," Steve reminded him. "You'd be happy with Rachel."

Danny wanted to take comfort in that, but the fact he didn't remember what it was like to be with Rachel negated the feeling. What if they had a rocky relationship? What if their marriage had been breaking up? He'd never know the answers. Steve caressed his face and kissed him softly, bringing him out of his head.

"Hey, you're here with me now," Steve smiled gently. "That's what matters Danny. Us, right here, right now."

Danny smiled and agreed, it was useless trying to think on a past he'd never experience. He tugged at Steve's pants impatiently.

"You going to hurry up and get naked?"

Steve grinned wider, stole a kiss before he clamoured off him to remove his pants. Danny used the opportunity to move further up the bed. Steve divested his pants on the floor and crawled after him, crowding into him again with insatiable need for kisses and closeness. Danny opened his legs to let Steve slot between them, gasping when Steve's cock slid against his. Steve sucked along his neck with teasing gentleness, threatening to leave marks before he trailed onto the next spot. Danny couldn't help but rove his hands all over Steve's body, his back, over his sculpted shoulder blades and well defined arms. All man, all sinew, full of power and capability. Danny wrapped his legs around Steve's thighs and tightened them, arching his body up to him.

Steve moved gently, setting up a rhythm that had their cocks sliding together gently, Danny's hips rose up and down with the motion and it was a slow but satisfying lovemaking as they connected. They hadn't reached the level of penetrative sex, it would happen eventually, but Danny found it as perfect and wonderful as he was expecting it to be. Steve showered him with kisses and gentle touches, eyes full of care and love that Danny basked in the feeling of belonging and let himself float on that feeling. He closed his eyes and just concentrated, letting Steve set the pace and the tone and losing himself to it all. Steve whispered nonsensical things onto his skin, building the trust, the connection, Danny held on and moved to the rhythm with him.

Danny could feel his orgasm building and tightened his grip, an arm around Steve's neck and he pulled him tighter as Steve nibbled and licked at his ear lobe and skin just below.

"Steve, god Steve," Danny moaned huskily, voice deep with want and breathless as he arched his chest to feel Steve's sliding against his. Steve's hands seemed to be everywhere, gripping just under his arms, then sliding down his waist, following the curve of his ass and along his thighs that wrapped around his.

Then Steve lifted up, a hand planted into the mattress beside Danny's head. Danny opened his eyes in surprise at the disconnect before he groaned again, Steve's free hand slid between them and wrapped tightly around his cock, fisting him urgently. Steve was watching him with a deep intensity and Danny moaned, mouth slack, eyes wide, reaching up to press a hand to Steve's chest as Steve chased his orgasm closer to the edge.

"Babe, fuck, yeah," Danny moaned desperately, brow furrowing, so close to falling, needing it badly and craving Steve's control at getting him there. "Yeah just like that, fuck Steve, Steve!"

With Steve's name a groan on his lips he arched and writhed, cock pulsing in Steve's hand and shooting white streaks over his belly in steady, thick streams. Steve milked him until he'd stopped shooting his load, Danny writhing breathless and sensitive by the end. He instantly felt bliss, settling back onto the covers limp and relaxed and watched Steve with a sappy expression. Steve was smiling, letting go and instead taking himself in hand. Danny felt the rock of the mattress and Steve's body shuddering as he jerked himself off. Danny used the last of his strength to tighten his legs around him, encouraging him with gentle noises and stroking Steve's chest and arms with his shaky fingers.

"Fuck," Steve breathed out through gritted teeth, bending his head down, eyes shut tight and biting his lower lip. It was the hottest thing Danny had seen and he focused on how his teeth sucked at the flesh. Danny lifted a hand and stroked his face carefully, watching and listening, feeling Steve tense over him. Steve gasped, mouth falling open, desperate keening noises emerging from his throat. "Fuck Danny, god, fuck!"

His hips jerked sporadically as his orgasm hit, his come pooling with Danny's on his stomach. Steve panted and groaned in satisfaction and Danny watched mesmerised seeing him so vulnerable and open in that moment. Before Steve could move away, Danny cupped his face and pulled him closer, kissing him and swallowing down the panting breaths as Steve steadied himself again. The kiss turned to a lazy pace before Steve pulled away, Danny was reluctant to let him go and they both smiled in mutual satisfaction of each other. 

"Be right back," Steve promised with a whisper, kissing the side of Danny's mouth before retreating for a cloth to wipe up their mess. Danny slung an arm behind his head, his bliss making him drowsy. Steve returned and delicately wiped the cloth over his skin, making him squirm, ticklish in certain spots which Steve noted for further investigation later. Cleaned up, he pulled Steve to lay down beside him.

"Sure it's okay for me to stay?" Steve asked, aware Grace would begin asking questions soon enough.

"Yes," Danny smiled turning onto his side, knowing what Steve was thinking. "We'll figure it out in the morning. That, by the way, was amazing. You are amazing."

Steve looked embarrassed and Danny didn't know if it was because of what he said or because he was even referring to the sex. He gave a small laugh and inched closer, resting a hand gently on Steve's stomach, teasing him. "What? You don't like conversation after sex? Too intimate for you?"

Steve pressed his lips together and avoided his eye which Danny found adorable rather than offensive. Of course Steve had issues with it, he wasn't exactly the most open of people at times. Danny wasn't surprised intimacy was kept to minimum basics. He gave a small laugh and rubbed his belly gently.

"So you get me off like you did, come all over me and you clean up the mess but me talking to you about it afterwards makes you feel awkward," Danny smiled, laying down, pressing a kiss to Steve's shoulder. "Steven you are a puzzlement."

"Should have known you would be a talker," Steve finally said and Danny heard the smile in his voice. "Can never shut you up any other time, why should now be different? You, by the way, are sexy as fuck when you come."

"You would make porn stars blush with that little lip biting thing you do before you come," Danny retorted. "Seriously one of the hottest things I've ever seen."

Steve fell silent again and Danny glanced at him, the moment had passed and Steve seemed closed off again to talking in detail about it. It only made Danny all the more curious as to why but he didn't push it. There'd be plenty of more sex and he'd work on getting Steve feeling comfortable talking about it. Danny sat up and lifted Steve's arm so he could slot underneath, cuddling close, hoping Steve didn't mind and relieved when his arm rested firmly over his back, hugging him in.

"This is nice," Danny said, resting his cheek on Steve's neck. "I don't remember the closeness with Rachel, so it's like it's been a long, long time. You don't realise what you're missing out on until you get to enjoy it again. You know what I'm saying?"

"Yeah D, I know," Steve assured him, petting his fingers along Danny's lower back.


End file.
